Powerball madness, y’all.

Did you get your tickets yet? Do you live somewhere that doesn’t HAVE Powerball? Sucks to be you, eh? I mean…It’s $1.5 BBBBBBBBillion Dollaires. That’s BILLION. WITH A “B”!

I just had this conversation with my husband via The Facebook Messenger:

9:49am

Hubs: I have the vertigo this morning!
Me: uh-oh.
Me: hydrate.
Hubs: yep
Hubs: I did eat an orange
Me: Maybe we’re gonna have an earthquake.
Much like dogs can sense earthquakes and no one knows why – or maybe they do and I just don’t remember the reason…
Hubs: Maybe it’s Powerball fever
Me: Maybe! I should get a couple tickets.
Hubs: Won’t work.
The fuck?!
Hubs: Spadafore has the winning ticket
“Spadafore” is a buddy of his at work…
Hubs: and he’s not sharing the numbers
Stingy bastard, that Spadafore…
Me: He’s lying.
Me: Everyone says that.
Hubs: huh
Hubs: When it went from 1.3 to 1.5, he said I could have the $200 million
Me: I’d rather be the one to give HIM the 200 Mil.
It’s simple math, really…I mean…duh.
Me: So…
Me: nice try.
Hubs: okay
Me: And…uh…if he DOES have the winning numbers, then…the deal is STILL ON.
I amaze even myself, you guys…I’m fucking brilliant.
Me: Sneaky, right?
Hubs: very
I don’t like his tone.
P.S. This is probably the first thing I’d buy with my winnings:
dollar-signs-bling-ring

I’m pretty sure it says somewhere in the fine print on the back of the tickets that you are 100% obligated to buy one of these rings when you win the lottery.

I always get nervous when you people follow me…

You guys…I’m freaking out.

There are times when this blog gets more attention than others and apparently today is the day because I just picked up two new follows and I’m not really sure if you understand this blog enough to follow me…

Seriously though...low standards?

Seriously though…low standards?

HAVE YOU READ ANY OF THIS STUFF?! I mean…I drop F-bombs like I drop the ellipses…frequently…with ABANDON and…well…quite frankly, you’ve got me worried.

And another thing…if you think you are stumbling upon some “writer” that can form a coherent thought and can form proper sentence structure with ease…you’ve got another thing coming.

Usually the posts here are just my thoughts rattled through my fingertips with little regard for proper writing and punctuation, proper tenses…all of that crap that serious writers care so deeply about. WHICH I CAN APPRECIATE, but seriously. You followed a blog with the title “Sassypanties”. How proper can it possibly be?

Not. It’s not proper at all. Thankyouverymuch.

Oh yes, sometimes, I’ll surprise you with some heart felt mushy stuff and my sincere love for Music and hosting House Shows, but mostly it’s just my rantings about my job and how people piss me off and I’m not happy unless I add a “shit” or “motherfucker” in there for good measure. Because I can.

So…I guess you can consider this a warning or…a welcome aboard. Thanks for even considering clicking that follow button. If you choose to stay…I’ll do my best to chase you off.

P.S. You should be really proud of me because I sort of kept my profanity under wraps for the most part with this post. Pretty impressive, I must say.

P.P.S. The ellipses…dude…I told you…I use them…or should I say “mis-use” them…A LOT.

Apartment Manager Tales #43: Good luck with that…

Last month – one of our perpetually late paying tenants came into the manager’s office to *finally* give a partial rent payment. I explained how much he still owed and he questioned why I wasn’t waiving the late fees. I – initially – responded calmly and stated that the owners didn’t allow us to waive the late fees and that he had to pay them.

He responded with, “Yes they do.”

I calmly folded my hands on my desk and said, “No, no they don’t.” He then asked what his late fee was and I explained to him that it was 20% of the amount left owing after the rent deadline…which was about $200 for him. He was none too pleased with this response.

He continued:

“You can…you just won’t.”

Me: No, the owners have given us strict instructions to NOT waive late fees. We are not waiving late fees for ANYONE.

Him: You aren’t anybody. You ain’t nuthin to me.

Me: Well, I’m the manager here. Pay your rent on time and you won’t have to pay a late fee. It’s pretty simple.

Him: You don’t know me lady, you are NOTHING.

Me: Well, that’s about all I’m going to take from you. You’re not welcome here anymore. Get out of my office. *shooing motion with my hands…dismissively…like I’m shooing a goat*

About a week and a half later, he comes in and pays every penny of his late fee and remaining rent balance. It, of course, was after we sent our monthly reports to the owners of his building, so it showed that he owed money still – which completely pisses me off.

So Mr. Jackhole called today and asked for my co-worker that works in the office with me.

Me: She’s not here, may I help you?

Him: No, I don’t want to talk to you.

Me: Okay – who is this.

Him: Jackhole.

Me: Ah. Okay – well, I can’t tell you for sure if she will be here when you call back because she’s helping at another property. If you tell me what you’re calling for, perhaps I can help you. Is there something wrong with your apartment? Is there something that needs fixed? *of course I know that he’s calling to say he will be late with his rent…AGAIN…because he’s been late with his rent ever since he moved in…but I figured I’d humor him.*

Him: I just want to talk to the other lady. She knows my situation and can help me.

Me: Again – I’m not sure when she will be here, so if I can help you, I will.

Him: I really don’t want to fight with you. We got off on the wrong foot and you were rude, so I’m not going to talk to you. I really don’t think you’re sincere in trying to help me, so I’m not going to talk to you.

Me: Ok dude. Do whatever you want, I guess if she doesn’t call you back before you need something, you’ll have to deal with me. Good luck with that.

rent

Is it too early to think about Halloween?

In case you didn’t know? I’m in loooooovvvvvve with Halloween. Like, seriously. I love everything about it.

When we first moved into our home, we wanted to make our neighborhood friendly and festive and we wanted all our neighbors to know us and for it to be like the old days…I’m happy to say that I’ve accomplished this self-imposed task.

You see, when we moved in, our neighborhood was going through a “transition”. Someone had scooped up a few houses on the block and flipped them (about 10 years ago) and we were one of the first of the *gulp* Gen-X to move in. Even though I’m almost 42…I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m a generation X-er. It sort of makes my skin crawl…

BUT I DI-FUCKING-GRESS…

Being the bubbly lunatic that I am, every time that someone moved into the neighborhood, the hubs and me and my adorable kiddos walked our happy little asses over the the new neighbors with a big basket of candles and welcomed them into the neighborhood. Usually right in the middle of them carrying heavy furniture or during a lunch break. It was time well spent.

Another thing that we did was start having a Block Party. We are in our 8th year this year. It’s really REALLY awesome to live on a street where we all know each other. I feel proud to be the catalyst that made this happen for everyone.

Once all the houses were full of new neighbors, we started the friendly competition of decorating for the holidays…starting with Halloween. The gaybors go all out…usually their Christmas decorations eclipse everyone else. They are amazing – and it started as just the two of us, then the rest of the neighborhood got all gung-ho and now when you blaze down our street for any of the major house-decorating-holidays, it’s quite a show!

During Halloween, not onlyare the houses decorated…but several of us get all dressed up and give out full-sized candy bars and last year we were up to over 200 trick-or-treaters on our block. I make the kids work for their treats, however, by making them dig in jell-o for their full-sized candy bars. Those that think they are too cool or just plain don’t do it? They get fruit roll-ups. Yeah…I’m a bitch. Either play by my rules or you get the shaft.

Halloween

 

Halloween House

clown

 

 

 

Sassy the Clown

So I’ve been sitting here at work trying to plan out what my Halloween costume will be. I’ve used up my clown outfit. I think I’ve been Sassy the Clown for 4 years in a row and it’s the first time I ever spent money on a costume, so it’s high time I do it again…only…I’m seriously thinking about being “Super Sassy” for H’ween. I already have a custom made cape…don’t ask how I got it…or why. Just trust that it was a gift and it was well deserved. I just need a unitard and a few other accessories and I’ll be good to go. *God bless the people who have to see me in a unitard*

So that you know I’m not super cuckoo…? Is that even a word? How do you spell cuckoo clock? Yep…it looks right…the WordPress grammar police didn’t put the red squiggly down, so I’m good…but to get back on TRACK, I wanted to post a rather Christmassy picture so that you know I’m not a total weirdo…BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Who am I kidding?!

Christmastime

Christmas in Sassyland.

In case you were wondering? YES. My gay neighbors (gaybors) LOVE LOVE LOVE my tree of lights. You can see it from space, I think.

 

 

Blog Challenge SHMLOG SHMALLENGE…and death.

I made it to day 15 and I’ve decided to call it quits. I can’t keep up and I have lost interest. What was the final straw? Probably the “What’s In Your Fridge” day. That’s just stupid. I was planning on just taking a picture of the contents of my refrigerator, but thought better of it. It’s pretty ridiculous. We have so much crap jammed in there, I’m sure I would have been ridiculed over it.

So…I’m waving the white flag of defeat. Just as I expected I would. For those who are disappointed…? Get over it. It was boring anyway. There are only so many lists I can make. Lately, I’ve seen folks doing the wordpress daily prompt. Where in the hell does a chick with a blog go to get in on that action? I mean…sometimes I just need something to get me started…

Like, I was reading something the other day that talked about when there is a death of a “friend” you have made through social media. I’ve come close to that recently. In the previous BLOG community I was part of – we had a group of about 30 or so of us that got extremely close – to the point that some of them have been to my home and even stayed with us when they came to town. This, of course, comes from reading each others blogs for a few years and we had gotten to know one another rather intimately and we were extremely comfortable with each other. Recently, one of my older blog friends had a rather close call and was in the hospital for quite some time…and it got me to thinking…

How would her family know that there are people out here in the BLOGOSPHERE/INTERNETLAND that truly love and respect and care for this person – how would we know if something happened to them? Seriously. This is a concern I have.

Perhaps I love people too quickly. Stupid big-hearted Sassy…but I can’t help it. If you happen to be a friend of mine, you know that I love you. I tell you all the time. And it’s not a “love ya” type of off the cuff thing that I say. I truly mean it.

So…how would your family know to notify those of us that have been following you? Those of us who have been reading about your life for any length of time?

I don’t think my family knows I even have this BLOG! I mean, if I dropped off the face of the earth…would any of you even care? I’m not asking so that I get a barrage of  “WE LOVE YOU, SASSY!!!” I’m just saying…that unless you are a friend of mine on The Facebook – or a friend of my hubster…or one of my kiddos, you’re probably not going to know! It’s like there just won’t be any more sassyness from Sassyland and just like a lit match, I’ll be snuffed out.

Are your “friends” that you have here on WordPress, your actual friends? Do you use the “quotes” when you type the word friend when you refer to those you meet via social media or do you unabashedly, without another thought, type out the word FRIEND, and truly mean it? I don’t know if I’ll ever get to know any of you in-person or not. I suppose if you ever make your way to Washington State, you should drop me a line on my blog and I’ll make you a mean plate of pasketti – because it is GOOD. And don’t think for a minute that I’m bragging…because I’m not. It’s a plain and simple FACT. It’s delicious.

This world is getting bigger and bigger and the various ways we communicate are so instantaneous – who would have thought in 1996 that every home would have the equivalent of a home computer in the palm of our hands that we can use to do just about anything we want? Hell, who would have thought that we could order our groceries ONLINE and have them delivered to our HOUSE? Not me, that’s for damn sure….

This post went a little sideways, didn’t it? Welcome to Sassyland!

Day 3: Favorite Quote(s)

I’m getting kind of sick of that whole 31 Days of Blogging Challenge picture that is hogging up my Reader, so you’ll forgive me if I don’t use it every time…I’m sure it’s annoying for you, too.

I told you that I will crank a few of these out because I’m predicting my failure to complete this challenge…so while I’m in the mood to do some of these, I’m going to do it. Is that okay with you? TOO FUCKING BAD! *winky face*

Favorite QuoteI have two:

Sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks.

That’s from Forrest Gump when Jenny is throwing rocks at her old house that her dad molested her in. Oh – yeah…*SPOILER ALERT* Better late than never…

Here we are again…bottle deep, at 4 in the mornin’

It’s a line from Emma Hill’s song “The Keeper”.

 

I’m sure there are more, but that’s all your getting you greedy little bastards.

 

QUOTE BONUS:

I’m not running a shelter – pay your rent or move out! ~ Me to loser tenants.

 

 

 

31 Day BLOG Challenge – here goes NUTHIN’! Get to know me…at your own risk.

31-day-challenge

Well, I’m going to make a feeble attempt to stray from my typical rantings and offer you a glimpse of my weirdness…there may be times when I do more than one of these per day, because – let’s face it – I’m not the most reliable blogger out there and I rarely finish these things. Much like the Liebster Award that I still need to tackle. SOOOO…here goes:

Day 1: Introduction and recent photo.

Hi! My name is Sassy. That’s not my real name. I’m not going to share that with you, but if you are truly interested, leave me a way to contact you via email in the comment section and we can be FB pals and you can get to know me there……….but be warned! I may not play along. I’m a jerk like that sometimes.

I’m an apartment manager by trade. Turns out I’m pretty damn good at it.

My favorite curse word is “motherfucker” – just like Sean “Puff Daddy”, “P-Diddy”, “Diddy” Combs ala James Liptons “Pivot Questionnaire” on Inside The Actors Studio. See? Now you need to Google “Pivot Questionnaire”!

I’m in my 40’s. I’ve been married almost 22 years to my best friend. We have two gorgeous kiddos – of the FEMALE variety. We have an amazing dog named Sierra – occasionally I’ll refer to her as “Sierra The Wonderdog” because she has defied all medical hypothesis and lived through eating a latex glove that had been tumbling around her belly for Lord knows how long. My bad.

I live in Washington State. It’s green here. It’s wet here. Everything that is amazing about America is here. Including Mt. Rainier and the frackin Space Needle and, of course, yours truly.

I get my sense of humor and sarcasm probably from having an alcoholic father and a hardass step-dad. Yay.

I like to write primarily about my job and things that basically piss me off, but I’m happy to throw you for a loop with something heart-wrenching on occasion, so keep those seatbelts fastened – because you never know when I’m going to take a header into the Jersey Barrier.

You’ll find that you’ll know exactly where you stand with me. I’ve got a heart of gold, but I’m not afraid to tell it like it is.

I sing. I play a very awesome guitar, rather horribly.

Here’s a recent photo:

984181_10201253988213216_647124769_nOh wait…that’s me…but uh…429235_3456930663473_748472594_nOh, wait…that’s not me, either…

734974_10200349932052377_975057174_nThere I am. With my hubby.

And thus, begins my 31 day challenge. I stole this from Ray. Feel free to read him. He’s pretty rad and he posts frequently, unlike me.