These Woodpeckers are Driving Us Insane: Apartment Manager Tales

There are a lot of things I can do to help make my tenants comfortable. Fixing things that are broken in their apartment homes, being friendly, letting them know they are valued, offer my counseling services when they need a shoulder to cry on, quiet down their neighbors if they get rowdy, accept packages from the FedEx or UPS driver when they aren’t home…but there are *some* things…some things…that are out of my control.

The Apartment Manager vs. Nature:

Me: Blahbitty Bloobitty Apartments, this is Sassy, how may I help you?

Caller: Yeah…I don’t know if you’ve been getting calls about this, have you?

Me: You’ll have to tell me what you’re talking about there, sir.

Caller: The woodpeckers! They are driving us nuts – you’ve HAD to have gotten some calls about this.

Me: No, I can’t say that I have. What is going on?

Caller: Well, they are pecking at all hours of the day and it’s driving us INSANE. What can you do about it?

Me: Well, there’s not much I can do about nature, unfortunately – but I’ll send my maintenance guy out to take a look and see if there is anything that can be done. I will not guarantee any kind of permanent solution nor result, however. It’s spring. The birds are out.

Caller: Well, this is just ridiculous. He needs to put up flashy ribbon or something because we can’t keep dealing with this.

Me: Again, I cannot guarantee the results you desire, but I will send him over to take a look.

 

Dear Apartment Dwellers Everywhere,

There are some things that are out of your apartment staffs capabilities…taming wildlife is one of those things. We truly have no control over birds, raccoons, deer, wildebeasts, hyenas or any other fauna that you may encounter. Pests, on the other hand, we can deal with. We CAN fix your leaky sink or your plugged up toilet (training our tenants of the fine art of the “courtesy flush” is something that has had to take place…yes…we try to educate whenever possible…).

We love you, but so help me, I will not hesitate to smack you up side the head if you start in with your silly, petty demands. Don’t test me.

Love,

Sassy the most AMAZING apartment manager ever to have walked the PLANET!

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One thought on “These Woodpeckers are Driving Us Insane: Apartment Manager Tales

  1. I’ve had to teach the double flush here too! Oh the plumbing 🙂

    Tell them you put us signs telling the woodpeckers to leave to no avail. Hang in there sweet girl 🙂

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