While myself and all the other poor addicted snack cake bastards are extremely glad that things turned out for the better and you brought us that little yellow spongy cake filled with white fluffy goo morsel of horrible deliciousness, I need to voice my disappointment.
You see, for many years, 43 to be exact, I have had my guilty pleasures satisfied by your delicious individually portioned snacks. I’ve enjoyed the SuzyQ, Cupcakes, Twinkies, HoHo’s, Sugared Donuts, those delicious poppable crunch-coconut Donuts…and lastly, but most importantly, the Berry Pie.
While this list of goodies has probably made a few of my readers cringe and others raise their fist in solidarity – in their minds…because everyone knows that *no one* admits outwardly to enjoying a Twinkie – but the beauty of it is, you and I both know differently. It’s usually the one that complains the loudest about them being the most unhealthy snack – who you will find empty “shame wrappers” under the bed and shoved behind chest of drawers.
Here’s my beef with your big comeback, Hostess.
WHAT IN THE HOLY LIVING HELL DID YOU DO WITH THE BERRY PIE?!?!?!
Ever since that whole company liquidating debacle and the fact that hoards of people stockpiled Twinkies as if the end of days was rapidly approaching thinking that if they were lucky enough to be spared, at least they’d have 18,000 packages of Twinkies on hand, I have searched high and low for your delicious Berry Pie, only to be let down time and time again.
So please explain where they went. I cannot be the only weirdo who loved those suckers. Now? I have to settle for what I refer to as “Ghetto Berry Pies” because they are typically the store brand…and it’s just not the same thing, yo.
Feel free to leave a comment.