Apparently my “STATS are BOOMING” and Nail Salon Hilariousness

I thought that perhaps I should redeem myself from the touchy-feely post that I shared a week or so ago – and perhaps tempt those that have started following my BLOG to “unfollow” me now that they get to see what I’m REALLY all about – which is basically a potty-mouthed, complaining, mostly funny, completely sarcastic bitchy-poo.

I have no idea what happened – but let me just say – Sassyland has BLOWN IT’S SHIT in the last 48 hours. I don’t know if I accidentally tagged something wrong or what…but I appreciate the traffic. And let me just say – it’s ONLY traffic – I may have picked up a few “follows” as well, but the traffic has been considerable since in any given month I’m lucky to have 10 visits the entire month – and this may sound like bragging – because…well? I AM….but I had like, 23 follows in one day and 47 views…not quite a personal best, but not too shabby! So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is:

THANK YOU.

2 nights ago I went to the nail salon after work…okay, okay, okay…here’s what really happened.

I had been at work most of the day and just felt completely off kilter. I couldn’t type anything without fucking up. Like, typos-galore over here, y’all. Speaking wasn’t coming very naturally to me either – if I didn’t know better, you would have thought that I was stroking OUT…but I wasn’t – I was just having an OFF DAY. Fine. I can deal with that.

It was about 3:30 and I had finally had enough. I decided that I was going to go get my nails done. SO, I go to my favorite nail salon “Pro-Nail”. Pro-Nail is owned and ran by “Peter”. He’s a pretty funny, yet moody little fella. The only other person working there that I’ll let touch my hands is “Asia”…which I probably don’t even need quotes around because I’m pretty sure that is her real name.

So, I get to Pro-Nail and I take a seat at the door where people who don’t make appointments wait. Peter asks me, “What you wan’ my frien?”  I say, “I need a fill with white powder.” Which to you, may mean NOTHING, but to me, it means my French Manicure is going to look FUCKING AWESOME in about an hour. Then Peter said, “Ok, you sit ova thea and we be wit you in few minute”. Aaaaaalllllllrighty then.

I ended up going to sit at Asia’s station, she was finishing up a Pedicure. She came over and looked at my nails and said, “Oh!! You come back at good time dis time! You no let your nail grow ow too mut! Goot job!” Which means, “You came back within 2 weeks! Well done! Your nails aren’t so grown out that we have to start over again!” She was proud of me.

I had decided to get my “eyebrow whack” too…which means, I wanted my eyebrows waxed. This isn’t a very common occurrence with me, but every once in a while I like to tame the brow-bush. I told Asia that I didn’t want Peter to do it – and she laughed. She laughed because one time we were all joking and giving Peter a hard time about eyebrows. I told Peter that I wanted to get my eyebrows waxed on a different visit a few months back and he said, “Asia do for you.” and I said, “Peter?! You don’t want to wax my eyebrows?” And Asia said, from across the room, “Peter no good at dat. You will have to buy eyebrow pencil if Peter do it.” And let me tell you…we all laughed so hard after she said that….

So all of this brings me to this happy little YouTube video of Anjelah Johnson and her stand up routine about the Nail Salon – I hope you enjoy!

 

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2 thoughts on “Apparently my “STATS are BOOMING” and Nail Salon Hilariousness

  1. markbialczak says:

    My wife is always on the lookout for my stray and unruly eyebrow hairs. And the older I get, the more of them go a wandering, it seems. We’ll be doing something around the house and she’ll say, “Don’t move.” And that’s serious because it means some ray of light has beamed a bending brow and she must run in for her scissors to snip it away.

    I guess that means that my short answer is no, I’ve never had the eyebrow whack.

    Congrats on your big numbers explosion.

    I think you are funnier than hell.

    • sassypanties says:

      Your wife would probably totally dig it if she got to take you to the nail salon to get your eyebrow whack, Mark. Hilarious!!!!!!!!

      Thanks for your part in the Sassyland explosion. Glad I can make you smile in my ranty, profane way.

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