Bitches Be CRAY-CRAY – Apartment Manager Tales #11-ish

Hello Sassypanties Readers,

Yes, it’s been awhile since my last Apartment Manager Tales was published. For those of you that really super enjoy the mayhem that is my day-to-day…WE HAVE SOME MOTHERFUCKING CATCHING UP TO DO! (I always like to start my entries with one or two “MOTHERFUCKERS”, because those who stumble upon my BLOG will know right outta the shoot that I enjoy the word FUCK and pretty much any and every form thereof, so if that’s a sensitive area for you…ya may want to leave. Let me say this before you click away: There are times that I send out a very heartfelt post…something that doesn’t have anything to do with managing an apartment community…but I’ll still throw a “dammit” or a “sunuvabitch” out there because, let’s face it folks, sometimes cursing is necessary in the literary world. It doesn’t mean I’m not creative enough to bore you with a lot of thesaurus searched words…it just simply means that this is my Goddamned blog and I’ll write it however I please. M’kay? Great!) Let’s move on…

How in the hell have y’all been? Yep – I’ve been MIA for a bit. This just means that I’ve been gathering up enough ammo to make a really great entry or two. 

You know how Karma works, right? When you do something good or bad, the concept is that it’ll come back around to you at some point.

A funny thing happened to me yesterday. I came back into the office and someone was standing in the lobby with her back to me as I walked in. I said hello – she was still facing the opposite direction and had glanced over her shoulder just a tiny bit as I walked in and I recognized her from somewhere – and asked her if I could help her. She said, “I left my phone in the car. I’ll be right back.” So I watched her go to her car, get in and she took off like a bat outta HELL – just as I remembered where I knew her from! I had evicted her ass back in June 2013 from the other property I managed and when she saw that I was the manager here? She must have shit her britches a little as she was walking to her car! Isn’t that HILARIOUS?!?!? I thought it was. It made me smile and giggle knowing that she high-tailed it outta here once she knew who I was. Aaaahhhhhh…Karma. I love you so much. Bitches be CRAY-CRAY!

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The most recent asshat that I’ve had to deal with wins the jackhole award of the month. I’m seriously thinking about making a trophy for him so he can show all his friends. His wife came in around the 6th of the month to write out a payment plan because they couldn’t pay their rent on time. 2 installments were agreed upon – in writing – and of course, they flaked on their last payment due on January 17. I called on Monday, January 20 to find out when they were going to pay. The dude had tons of bullshit excuses and I typically let them go on and on until I’ve had my fill and they start repeating themselves and going in circles and it goes like this:

Me: Hi, This is Sassy…I didn’t get your payment on Friday like the written agreement stated that your wife wrote and signed. What’s going on?

Dude: blah blah*excuses*blah blah

Me… *listening* …

Dude: Blahbitty Bloobity

Me: So…when are you going to pay me the $66.22 you owe me for rent?

Dude: This has been really haaaaard for us…

Me: Yeah…and I have a business to run. You need to pay your rent or I’m going to charge you the late fee that I haven’t charged you for the last two months.

Dude: DON’T YOU THREATEN ME! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR BOSS!

Me: Exactly what have I threatened you with?

Dude: LATE FEES!

Me: And tell me where it says in your lease that you will NOT be charged late fees when you’ll be late with your rent? You can’t…because it’s not IN THERE. You either pay me today or I’ll charge you the late fee and turn in your paperwork to get the eviction process started.

Dude: I want your boss’s number.

Me: Feel free to come into the office with your payment and I’ll give it to you.

Dude: You need to understand that I just got a new job and things will start being more steady now.

Me: You need to understand that you have to pay your rent on time. Do you know what happens to me if I don’t make my house payment? THEY TAKE MY HOUSE AWAY! Pay up or MOVE. It’s that simple. This conversation is over.

He called me 10 minutes later to apologize and say that he’ll bring in his payment that night.

I got in the next day and the payment wasn’t in the night drop box. MOTHERFUCKER! So, right about when I was going to call him, he called me first to make some excuse about how I wasn’t there when he came to the office and he said something else I didn’t listen to so I told him, “There is no excuse for your rent check to not be here, and by the way I stayed after work last night waiting for you. We have a night drop when the office is closed. If you don’t make a payment tonight, you’re getting late fees and I’m sending your paperwork to the attorney and you can deal with him from here on out. I’m done.”

He said, “We really like it here and don’t want to move away. It’s quiet and you guys have really turned it around since you took over…we were actually thinking about renting the bigger apartment that came available downstairs.” Me: “You mean the one that costs $200 more per month to rent than the one you can’t even afford top pay for now? No. Start paying your rent on time every month for awhile and I’ll consider it…but for now…you need to pay your rent.”

Today? The check was in the night drop. Yay for me! So, I guess I win the apartment manager “battle of the week” with a one-two punch to the gonads, eh?

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Bitches Be CRAY-CRAY – Apartment Manager Tales #11-ish

  1. People are fucking idiots and I think I dislike a large number of them. Why is that?

  2. PinotNinja says:

    I love that you put him on new apartment probation. Some adults really need to be treated like small children…

    • sassypanties says:

      I’ve found that those who don’t pay their rent have the same M.O. – they always, ALWAYS take the attention away from the fact that they haven’t paid their rent and met their obligations. There are always excuses, grandiose stories, subject changing, making a scene by being belligerent…or if I’m lucky (for blog purposes) all four combined.

  3. ekgo says:

    I think it always makes sense to upgrade to the more expensive thing if you can’t afford the lesser of the expensive things. That is some great logic.

  4. Omg….He wants apartment a more expensive place??? How does that even make sense??

    Must read more Apartment Manager Tales…

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