I think my mind is in the gutter. Hence, the title.
I’m so envious of people who have the perfect timing for the “That’s what she said” moments. I think I’m pretty hot stuff if I get one in per week, but I know people who do it all the time. And you know what? IT NEVER FAILS TO CRACK ME UP! Randomness:
- Who remembers the show “My So Called Life”? Jordan Catalano is STILL as fucking hot as I remember him to be. Only, now when I watch it with my 16 year old and I say that…it’s creepy.
I’d post a present day photo of him…but I can’t bring myself to do it – I’ll leave it to you to search on your own. I want to remember him this way. I should point out, my daughter thinks he’s completely dreamy. I told her that she can find a boy equally as hot as him and marry him someday so that he can call me MOM.
- Someone else that melts my butter? ZACH EFRON. Did you see him in “The Lucky One”. Jesus. I realize I’m practically twice his age…but, DAY-UM!!!!!! It’s so unfair for one person to contain that much beauty.
I’m all worked up now!
- So, I have a new person coming in to sign a lease on an apartment in a few minutes. This will be my LAST unit to rent and then all I have is one more person to move in the 1st or 2nd week of June. He’s coming from L.A., CA. I have one notice for someone to be moved out by May 31st and I may have rented that unit before the folks who gave the notice are even moved out! I love this frustratingly awesome, pain in the ass job. It’s really exciting almost every day. And when it isn’t? I BLOG.
- 75 days until Maui. Shit. I can’t even wait.
- The damn kids in my apartment complex have the day off from school and they will NOT stay out of the hallways. It wouldn’t be that bad if they didn’t run like a bunch of idiots and scream their faces off. Where are their parents, you ask? BEATS THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF ME! If either of my kids acted like these little fucktards, I would be MORTIFIED! My maintenance guy just came in and said that he saw a kid by the playground JUMPING on one of our bushes. Like, JUMPING ON IT! What. In. The. Fuck.
- I have a tenant that is like completely freaking out about her parking space. Like, OCD-crazy. Like, she should take MEDS-CRAZY. She called me four times yesterday. I don’t know what more I can say to someone about someone else parking in their space. It’s like she wants me to pull something out of my ass to make it stop. Today, she called and said that the cone we gave her to put in her space was now two buildings down and not in her space anymore. I said, okay – did you see who took it? She said, No. I said, we are being as dilligent as possible about the parking situation – the only thing that I’m not doing is camping out back there waiting for people to park in the wrong spot. AND I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. She said, well, is the person that took the cone going to get in trouble? *FACEPALM* I said, “KELSEY!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO DID IT????????” She said, “No.” I said, “THEN HOW IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO REPRIMAND SOMEONE IF NEITHER OF US KNOWS WHO DID IT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” And we have these conversations that go round and round and I say something and then I’ll hear a little *snicker* on the other end of the phone or dead stone-cold silence…as if the answer I’m giving her isn’t good enough. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! I just beg for enough grace to not actually inflict bodily harm on her.
- A resident just brought me a dead bee that she found in her apartment. Apparently they are buzzing around in her bathroom fan area. At least she said she could hear them buzzing in there and that seems to be where they are coming out of. *heebie jeebies* GROSS. I’ve got a call into the Orkin Man.
- I thought these people would be here by now to sign the lease…I called and they said they were on the way like, 1/2 an hour ago.
- Don’t you hate waiting for people? It’s one of my pet peeves. Probably because I’m one of those dependable people you’ve heard about in fairy tales of times long ago. If I say I’m gonna be somewhere? You can set the CLOCK to me. And if GOD FORBID something delays me, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will call you WELL IN ADVANCE to let you know and probably have a minor panic attack because even though I gave you a heads-up that I’d be a smidge late? I’m still working on the original time I said I’d be somewhere and when I finally show up I’ll be all overly-apologetic and ridiculous because I’m so sorry I let you down. I like to beat myself up about this sort of thing.
- I NEED SOME CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- OH GOODY! My office supplies are here!!!! I bought toner and a case of paper and post-it notes and with the post-it notes, I got a free post-it pop up dispenser that looks like a big ol’ DIAMOND. I also bought blue ink pens and some chocolate, but the damn chocolate was motherfucking back ordered and THAT IS THE SHIT I WANTED MOST!!!!!!! LAME!!!!
- My assistant just got here and informed me that she doesn’t want to be an apartment manager after being here for two hours a day for the last month. Which is fine – because I love her and she’s a friend of mine – I was just hoping that she would be here to cover me for my vacation in August and now, we have to figure something else out entirely.
- Those people finally showed up to sign the lease! SWEET!
- I’m hungry.
- I keep looking at this bumble bee in the plastic container that my tenant brought me earlier and I’m getting grossed out.
Okay – I think you’re as up to date as you’re gonna get. This is one of those blog posts that wasn’t all that great, but it helped me through my day today, so – thanks for hanging in there with me. I promise not to put too many more of these clunkers out into the blogosphere.