Apartment Manager Tales, Part IV

Hello my little pretties – you too, Don and my Dimwitted Kindred Spirit!

It’s been a heckuva week here in Sassyland. Something must have crawled up my patoot and settled in for the spring, because I have been on a rampage for the last week and a half. I’d like to blame it on PMS or Menopause or something equally as dramatic, but I think it boils down to me just being sick and tired of putting up with peoples bullshit.

This week I have been focused on parking throughout my property. It all started on Monday, when my maintenance guy came into the office around 9:30 and asked me if I wanted to “go for a ride”. Of course it wasn’t a pleasure cruise on the old Gator tractor/quad thingy we have for the purposes of him getting several of his tasks completed on the property – oh NOOOO! He had a mission. I should also point out that he said, “Hey! Grab about 15 parking violations and bring a pen!”

Aaaaannnnnnd we’re OFF!

So we get into the Gator and our first stop is at a car that is CLEARLY parked in the Fire Lane. It says “Fire Lane” it’s painted red all over the curb AND the pavement. I’m not sure how someone could miss this. I was about to tag the car with a parking violation when someone came out, “I was just about to move my car!”. 

Me: You’re parked in a Fire Lane.

Her: I know.

Me: Well, if you know, then you shouldn’t have parked there in the first place.

Her: I’m moving it now. 

Me: Don’t park here again, mkay?

Then we swing around to the back of the property. There must have been 3 cars parked in the fire lane all along the back of the building – one car was all jacked up without a wheel or tire on the front passenger side, one other vehicle was backed into its space, but it had two flat tires, expired tabs (2009) and a broken windshield and it also appeared to have the carburetor sitting on the seat. It’s not in the best of shape. BOOM! Slapped a parking violation on all of them. WHAMMO. 

I got a phone call about an hour later from a cocky little shit who said he got a parking “ticket” on his car and wondered what it was for? 

Me: What. Does. It. Say?

Him: “Absolutely NO vehicle maintenance to be done on property. 24 hour tow notice – Space 80”

Me: Okay. So, what’s your question?

Him: I’m parked in my spot. 

Me: It doesn’t matter where you’re parked. Your car has expired tabs and it seems as though you have been working on it, based on phone calls I’ve gotten and the 3′ patch of kitty litter under your truck. You need to get it fixed or remove it from the property.

Him: Other people have their cars on JACKS around here.

Me: I’m not going to discuss other residents vehicles with you – but if it makes you feel better, they were tagged too.

Him: I think this is crap.

Me: Me too. And you can stop comparing yourself to other residents and handle your own problems. Calling me and attempting to intimidate me over the phone isn’t going to work. If you have anything further to say, come to the office and we can talk face to face.

Him: I will.

So I waited for about 15 minutes before I called him back to ask him where he was and that I thought he was coming to the office to discuss the issue. He said that he was trying to fix his truck – which was BULLSHIT – because I sent my maintenance guy out there to intercept him and he wasn’t out there at all.

So the tow truck driver came last night. He towed someones car that was parked in the Fire Lane. Let me tell ya…this dude went ballistic. He threatened death to the tow truck driver – who then called the police. 5 cop cars showed up and in all of the commotion, my maintenance guy called me and told me to stay on the phone so that I could hear everything. I’m glad I don’t live on site….

I spoke to an officer that said I should send out notices on parking. I told him that I dooooo and haaaaave – several times and that the residents are testing us and I’m done. He understood and I explained to him that a Fire Lane violation isn’t a Rule of the apartment complex…it’s a LAW…that comes with a hefty fine if someone is parked in one. He agreed and the car was towed.

The next vehicle on the hit list was the little truck with the cocky little shit as the owner. The tow truck came and put his truck on the hook. The Cocky Little Shit went out and paid the tow driver $100 to get it off of the hook. He dropped the truck and it’s there today. Still has two flat tires, still has out of date tabs, still has a broken window and still has the carburetor sitting on the seat inside the vehicle. So this drama will probably go on for quite some time with this tenant. If he doesn’t remove his vehicle, I will probably kick them out based on that alone. Oh, and I didn’t tell you – he’s been here a MONTH. ONE. FUCKING. MONTH.

This morning when I came into work, the dude with the Fire Lane car came into my office while my maintenance guy was here, telling me that he thinks I should reimburse him for him having to go get his car from impound. Uh – no. I explained that a Fire Lane is not here for me to enforce, but for the SAFETY of all residents and if he parks there again, I will handle it the same way. He said people have been parking in his space. I told him he’s never ONCE called to report that someone was in his spot. NOT. ONCE. I told him he needs to communicate with me or I don’t know about this stuff. I can’t help if I don’t know it’s happening – communication is key.

He still wanted the number to my corporate office. I gave it to him, gladly. My bosses stand behind me on things like this and I have no doubt he will be facing the same answers from them.

Aaaaaaahhhhhh….I love my job.





11 thoughts on “Apartment Manager Tales, Part IV

  1. ekgo says:

    In my mind, I know this isn’t actually funny…but in my mouth, I’m laughing loudly.

    • sassypanties says:

      Don’t feel bad. I laugh all the time. Take for instance when the guy who owns the car that was parked in the fire Kane came in and told me he wanted to be reimbursed because he’s a fucking idiot.

      I almost PEED!!!!

  2. Oh. My. God.
    This is funny as hell.
    This is Lizard Lick towing right here…

  3. PinotNinja says:

    Nothing feels better than a little vigilante style justice. Show these douchecanoes who is boss!

  4. I don’t think this would be enforceable in MO, but it is funny!

  5. Thinking tow truck driver should not be taking payoffs to get one unhooked! Time for a talk with him.
    Good for you for showing them who’s gonna be boss bitch around there 🙂 Make sure you keep that wasp spray handy….I’m thinking some shit will be hitting the fan each time you have folks towed!

    • sassypanties says:

      Wasp Spray is locked and loaded! Ha! If the kid wants to give the tow guy $100 every time his truck hooks him up, that’s fine by me. He will run out of money and then I can kick him out cuz he can’t pay his rent!

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