Tales From Starbucks

I’m currently sitting in one of the busiest Starbucks locations in the country. You can look it up, I’m serious! 72nd and Hosmer in Tacoma, Wa.

If you knew anything about me, you’d know I’m out of my element here. The hubs was going to take the kiddos, 16 & 11 for coffee and some hang-out time. They rarely invite me for such things as the concept of drinking coffee and hanging out in a yuppy coffee shop is lost on me. But this time, he asked, and this time, I accepted.

Walking into a Starbucks sort of gets my anxiety levels up. I just have no fucking idea how to order anything and I hate coffee, so I pretty much just stand in line and ask the kids or order me “one of those vanilla milkshake thingies I like so much”. I have no idea what the proper term for this beverage is…and I’m okay with that. I tasted one of these milkshake thingies when the kids got one once and it’s the only thing I’ve ever ordered, in the whole 5 times I’ve ever gone.

Another thing that gets me riled up is the amount of time some folks spend in one if these establishments. And the fact that people bring their laptops and stuff. Now, I realize I’m blogging right now, as I sit here, at STARBUCKS. But…I’m on my iPhone using my WordPress app, so that’s not the same thing – or at least that’s what I’m telling myself…

Anyway…there were people reading, doing what I assumed to be homework, four people, one of whom I’m guessing was a counselor – and they appeared to be hashing some things out. There were people coming and going and the drive thru was lined up around the building. I’m sure, when Starbucks first opened, it may have been a nice, quiet atmosphere. Today? It was motherfucking BUSY AS SHIT! I can’t imagine wanting to do anything productive in there.

And, I didn’t tell you about how I was the first person in the family to order my milkshake thingy and after the rest of the family was sipping on their respective piping hot beverages, there I was…waiting at the mercy if the coffee making dude to say, “Milkshake Thingy?”…only I was standing there for like, 15 minutes and he never uttered a peep about a milkshake thingy. So my daughter came over and asked him if he had made a milkshake thingy-only she calked it the right name-and he looked at her and said, “No.”, and went back to whatever he was making.

So I went up to the dude that I ordered my drink from and was all, “my milkshake thingy never got to me.” And he was all sorry and stuff and went over to the coffee making dude and asked him to make it and then he started flailing shit around the place. Slamming ice and milk and whatever else goes into my milkshake thingy and poured it AGGRESSIVELY into my plastic cup and squirted a glob of whipped cream on the top. He smirked at me and said, “Here ya go!” No, “Sorry” or “Kiss my ass” or anything! And the whole time the coffee making dude was making my milkshake thingy? I was eyeballing the SHIT out of him because I didn’t want him to spit in it.

I don’t think I’ll be dragged off to Starbucks for another several months.

What’s your favorite beverage? Mine is Pepsi. I can’t get enough if that stuff.

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12 thoughts on “Tales From Starbucks

  1. No offense to your kids, but people who like those places are dickholes. You know who has good coffee? White fucking Castle! Or I can make my own at QT for $.98.

  2. Favorite beverage at home: milk

    Favorite Starbucks beverage: Grande, no water, chai tea latte

    Starbucks, love-hate relationships. Great post 😛

  3. That guy didn’t need to be a douche canoe! That’s just plain rude! I’m not a coffee drinker at all and as you well known Pepsi is my addiction. We have one about 3 minutes from our house. I’m not a customer but my 2 girls definitely love their stuff. I can’t even pronounce the drink the 2 of them are in love with there….double chocolate mocha frappa something or other. Anywho about 2 weeks ago the 2 of them ran over for their drinks and some sister time (the ride over and time spent ordering is the sister time..they don’t hang out there). Older girl got her’s first and younger one sat patiently waiting. She waited only about 4 minutes and the guy working there looked up and said “Ooops! I forgot! Hold on one minute. ” He whipped her’s right up and gave it to her. Since it was already paid for he gave her 2 free coupons to come back when she wants and she was like a pig in shit! That’s the way it should be done.
    BTW…you know if you hadn’t been watching…one loogie would have been right in that frothy white deliciousness! Ewwww! LOL

  4. H. Stern says:

    I like their Java Chip Frappuccino, because it’s like a chocolate smoothie with crunchy coffee beans in it! OM NOM NOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But also, yeah, those places are NOT relaxing and easy to just hang out in.
    But also also: THERE’S A WORDPRESS APP?!?!?!

    • sassypanties says:

      DOWNLOAD THAT SHIT, GIRL!!!!!!! It’s pretty snazzy. 🙂

    • sassypanties says:

      You lost me at “crunchy coffee beans”, man!!! ACK!!!!

      What is it about coffee drinkers and diet soda drinkers that makes them hell bent on converting non-coffee drinkers and non-diet soda drinkers?

      “You can’t even taste the coffee!!!”

      YES I FUCKING CAN!!!!

      “You can’t even tell its diet soda, you should try it!”

      I CAN SMELL THE ASPARTAME FROM HERE, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!

      Not that you were trying to convert me…..YET! Hehe

  5. Krystal says:

    First off, you wrote this whole fucking blog on your iPhone’s WordPress app?! That is damn impressive given it’s length!
    Second, I am one of those Starbucks people 😀 and I don’t give a fuck what anybody else thinks of that fact! Haha! I could sit in one all day, merrily typing on my Macbook and sipping on whatever beverage I am inclined to order that day. In fact, I often do just that…I am also a Barnes & Noble dweller, in the sense that I hang in their cafe and do the same thing at least once a week, only there I get the pleasure of being surrounded by books which makes me even happier.
    Third, that Barista dude sounds like a total asshat! You should’ve thrown your “milkshake thingy” in his stupid fucking face! That would teach him never to ignore the sass that is you again.

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