An Open Letter to My Residents

Dear Resident That Didn’t Pay Your Rent:

Hi. Remember me? I’m your Apartment Manager. I know – you’re surprised to be hearing from me, right? I’m not sure why…you must know that your rent is due on the 1st of every month.

Here are a few things you need to know about me:

  1. I’m tough…but fair.
  2. I’m friendly…but don’t like to be tested.
  3. This is an apartment community, not a shelter. You can’t live here for free.
  4. If you lie to me or try to “play” me? Things will get negative REAL QUICK.
  5. Communication is key. You know your rent is due on the 1st. I even give you until the 5th before it’s late. My office is regularly open during the week and I’m here almost every Saturday. So really? There’s no excuse.
  6. No. I will not waive your late fees. Your lateness is not my fault NOR my problem. Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time,  so-to-speak.
  7. Yes. I sleep very well at night. Thanks for asking.
  8. Yes. I’m a bitch. I’m happy that you know this. It means you know who is boss around here and that I have the power to put your ass on the street if you test my authority. And if you think I’m kidding? Why don’t you go down to that bridge and ask your friends who used to live here how serious I am about it? I’m sure they will give you their sob story, but the fact remains…you don’t pay your rent? You can’t live here. Period.
  9. If you think my boss will tell you something different than what I’m telling you? You are mistaken. We are on the same page. All that matters is if you pay your rent on time. If you don’t…it’s my decision and my decision ALONE to work with you or not. And for the record? I’m done working with you.
  10. If you think threatening me with you finding somewhere else to live is going to bother me in any way? You better wake the fuck up. I couldn’t care LESS. The people that deserve to live here, pay their rent on time. You don’t. Get out. There are people out there with better credit and better references that will pay their rent on time and I will lease to them within the WEEK. So, buzz off, loser.

Pay your damn rent. ON TIME. Or move. It’s as simple as that, really.

All the best,


Manager Bitchypants



It’s a little hard not to have an “I don’t give a shit” attitude when dealing with morons around here. No, not all of my residents are morons. But I have SEVERAL, who – every month, are on my list of non rent payers and it’s getting tired and old. And it’s difficult to work with people month in and month out when all they do is give you the same bullshit excuse or sob story. I’m just getting sick of it.

There *are* legitimate issues in some cases – and don’t get me wrong – I will work with those folks as long as they keep to their agreement with me. But 90% of the people that come in my office or dodge my calls altogether? They can SUCK IT.



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