Holy shitballs, where do I begin?
I FUCKING QUIT MY JOB!!!!!! HELLS YESSSS!!
Okay – more like I gave my notice and since I’m AWESOME, I told them that I’d train my replacement for 90 days so that the transition for the owners AND the clients goes smoothly and that way the person replacing me will have experienced practically everything that will rear its ugly head while I’m here and can give pointers.
I know! I TOLD YOU I WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most people would have quit and told their boss to GO SUCK LLAMA BALLS. But not me. That’s what it means to be full of AWESOME.
Since giving my notice, my bosses have been riding my ass on EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING.
EXHIBIT A: I was coaching a client on the phone with my typical witty banter, we were having a great time, the client got trained on how to do something and they won’t soon forget it because, let’s face it. When you have an awesome convo on the phone with someone who is helping you? It tends to help you remember the lesson you were learning. And I just happen to possess the ability to be MEMORABLE. This must have been threatening to Mrs. Bosshole because she was all, “You should call it ‘this’, instead of ‘that’.” And I was all….”MMmmm’kay.” but I was secretly yelling “FUCK YOU BIOTCH! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CARRY ON THE CONVERSATION I WAS JUST HAVING SO YOU CAN BLOW IT OUTTA YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!”…in my head. And my eyes may have rolled a little. And I’m pretty sure she had turned around by then…but I can’t be entirely certain.
EXHIBIT B: Mrs. Bosshole asked me if I was going to schedule the online training sessions we had coming up. And I was all, “Uh…yeah…it’s on my schedule for tomorrow.” She said, “Well I just went on there and there wasn’t anything showing up.”…sigh…”Yeah…I know…it’s on my schedule for TOMORROW. That’s why it’s not on there today. Because it’ll get done TOMORROW.” And then she SMIRKED at me. It’s a good FUCKING thing I’m a GODDAMNED LADY! I couldda stomped her out like a little aluminum can right then and there, but I kept it fucking professional.
There are those of us with personal ethics, and there are those of us without them. And I’ll tell you something. They are going to get a FUCKING EARFUL if this kind of shit keeps happening. Because I’m bustin’ my hump to set them up so that our clients don’t notice any interruption in the support they are getting. I want this replacement person to be trained well. I’ve been doing this job for 7 years. I’d even go so far as to call myself an expert. I’ve streamlined this department down to the “Nth” degree. It can’t be done ANY FASTER. Unless there were Zombies chasing me. And let’s hope that doesn’t happen anytime soon.
SOOOOO…the interviews began yesterday. Gawd. The people walking through here and the ones they “like” are all 4′ tall and 100#. Figures. So today, Mrs. Bosshole was telling me about one girl and she said she asked about how long she’d be in training and The Bossholes said that I (me) was going to train my replacement for 30 days.
Go back up there and read my first full paragraph. Go ahead…I’ll wait.
YEAH! I KNOW! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE 90 DAYS WE AGREED UPON WHEN I GAVE MY NOTICE AND WE WORKED OUT THE DETAILS!?!?!
So I sat there…smiling…and Mrs. Bosshole sort of realized what she had said…she got a little nervous and started changing the subject. But I got stone faced and decided to just stare at her and not respond any more because I wanted her to know that there is NO WAY IN HELL that I didn’t pick up on what she said. THE JIG IS UP BITCH!
LOOK. I’m already leaving. If you don’t want this person properly trained and YOU think – because you are CLEARLY the expert of my department because you’ve never asked me how ANY of the processes work in my area of the business – that someone can properly complete ALL THE TASKS that will come across this desk in 30 days? BY ALL MEANS, MAKE IT 30 DAYS! NO PROBLEMO. But why do they have to be all shady about it? Why not just be honest? Don’t I deserve at least THAT MUCH?
Here’s the deal. You can’t save people from themselves and you can’t FIX stupid. I’m here…willing and able to make this person replacing me a complete ROCK STAR and yet…somehow I don’t think they genuinely respect that. I don’t think they understand that this is coming from a pure place in my heart. And that, my friends, is really fucking sad.