On February 2nd, I ordered a book written by the most BEAUTIFUL, FABULOUS, WITTIEST, FUNNIEST, TWISTED person, I’ve ever had the pleasure of getting BLOG comments from – which means she has ACTUALLY READ MY SHIT, Y’ALL! And by “shit” I mean, my BLOG.
JENNIFER “ARCHIBALD” LAWSON – a.k.a. The Bloggess.
I added the “Archibald”. That’s not really her middle name. But when you’re trying to be seen within her THOUSANDS of comments on her blog, you need to shake things up a little…hence – me making up stupid middle names.
ANYWHOOOOO…I pre-ordered her book called, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” on February 2nd. About a week ago, I got an email from Amazon telling me that I would *not* be receiving the book on the original release date of April 17th as promised, but April 19th. I. WAS. CRUSHED. I cried. On the inside. I started freaking out because, she’s had these “bookplates” that she’s been signing and for those of us who have pre-ordered her book, we get a PERSONALLY AUTOGRAPHED BOOKPLATE, which may or may not include one of her fingers (*) – and I’ve been on PINS AND NEEDLES waiting for this stuff to get to my house so I can make my neighbors jealous. * Apparently – signing a bazillion bookplates wreaks havoc on your hands and she pushed through and signed what she thought was 5,000 of them…but only, it turned out to be 10,000. So, no wonder her fingers felt like they were falling off, right?!
BACK TO MY STORY!
The new date of arrival for Jenny’s book was April 19th. TWO WHOLE DAMN MORE DAYS OF WAITING! SUNNUVABITCH!!!!!!!!!!! I was thinking…”I sure hope I can make it…my stomach is already in KNOTS!”
Fast forward – or whatever – to TODAY. I get an email stating that my book will ship sooner than they originally expected based on the new release date of…wait for it…WAIT FOR IT….APRIL 17th!!!!!! Which, curiously enough, was the ORIGINAL release date…I think Amazon just likes to fuck with people. Or maybe it’s just me…
HOLY SHITBALLS, AMERICA!!!!!!!!
I’m so excited right now…you. have. no. idea. BAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!
So, if you’re unfamiliar with Jenny Lawson – I want you to visit her BLOG. She’s got all sorts of shit going down with Nathan Fillion – well…it’s not really going down with him…it’s more like not going anywhere at all – and all she wants him to do is take a picture of himself while holding TWINE – which he keeps avoiding for some reason, but that didn’t stop Jeri Ryan, Brian Boitano, Penn Jillette, and MATTHEW FREAKIN BRODERICK from sending Jenny pictures of themselves holding twine and various kitchen utensils. And just to be clear? They did this FOR The Bloggess. Because she’s awesome. And they know it. So if you happen to know Nathan Fillion and are reading this blog post? If you would be so kind as to ask him to take the damn picture of him holding some fucking twine already, that would be MARVEY! Click here to read all about the Nathan Fillion Debacle of 2011/2012.
Jenny? If you read this? I love you…I really do…you can ask ANYONE! ~ Love, SASSYPANTIES – also – *~faints~*