Funny thing happened on the way home tonight. I hop onto I-5 headed south – just like every other day. The sky was full of clouds and looked to be trying to sprinkle a little. About 15 minutes into my communte, it was sprinkling at a pretty good clip.
About 5 minutes later it was a TOTAL DOWNPOUR. Windsheild wipers slappin at full speed just so that I could see the car in front of me because the lines and the little bumps were invisible underneath all the road spray from all the cars. The rain slowed down enough for me to see a definite line in the clouds…I knew if I could get to that line, that the skies looked lighter and perhaps…even get a glimpse of the sun for the first time in about 4 days. It IS Washington State, afterall. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE WHERE I LIVE! There’s no where else I want to be. Okay…I lied. I’d like to live in Italy. And also Ireland. And probably Thailand. Okay…and a few others…maybe a couple dozen…but what I’m trying to say here is, I don’t mind the weather. It gives us the most green vegitation all year round and lovely mountains and fresh water and all the fresh air a gal could ask for….I DIGRESS!
So here comes the line in the sky…here it comes…and then it happened!!!! SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And of course, it was still raining like a mofo…like it was “weird” still raining – like there were no clouds above me type-of-raining. And then I saw it…a very very vibrant rainbow…it seemed to be landing on my driver’s side, side mirror and then I of COURSE looked for the pot of gold outside my window because traffic had come to a TOTAL standstill and it was safe for me to do so..also – I had my SUNGLASSES on…so I think I would have been the only one to see that pot o’ gold if it had been there – because, let’s remember…I live in Washington state and it’s FEBRUARY, which means nobody carries a pair of sunglasses with them because DUH!!!! its FEBRUARY…HELLOOOOOOOOO – so I wouldn’t have had to SHARE it with anyone because everyone else was blinded by the stupid sun and I’m the ONLY ONE who was ready for this shit because I had my sunglasses!
So there wasn’t a pot of gold. There wasn’t even a pot of anything. NOT. EVEN. SKITTLES. How lame is THAT? I KNOW!!!!
So I kept on driving as the traffic started to clear up – totally forgetting about the stupid gorgeous rainbow…when all of a sudden it caught my eye…it seemed to be now resting on the door of my car. Great. It’s obvious that this no-pot-o-gold-givin, not even SKITTLES-spewing rainbow was following me home. I swear I drove 20 miles with this thing landing on one part of my car or another. And then I kinda started getting skerrrd a little…I mean I couldn’t SHAKE this thing! I’d been driving since RENTON with this thing on my tail the ENTIRE TIME and it wasn’t letting go!!!! I turned corners on the freeway. NOPE! Still there! I changed lanes. NOPE! I even got OFF OF THE FREEWAY – no, not specifically to try to outrun the Rainbow from HELL, but to actually make my way to my house…and it was STILL THERE. I decided to stop acting like a crazed paranoid bitch on crack – even though I’d never actually DO crack – because the late, great Whitney Houston taught me “Crack is Whack”, may she rest in peace – and crank up the volume on the stereo, sing some old school Bon Jovi and just ignore it. LA LA Laaaaaaaa….
I get home, hop outta the car, head inside and my doggie welcomed me with a waggin’ tail and was hoppin all over the place, which means that she wants to go OUTSIDE…and I approach the back door and let her out and I look outside AND THAT SHIT WAS IN MY BACKYARD, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t make this shit up, ya’ll. It was really REALLY scary! Usually a rainbow lasts, what? Like 5 minutes? This thing was following me for about 25 minutes!!
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A RAINBOW! Especially the stalker kind – because the stalker kind are scary little motherfuckers.