Things that will forever PISS ME OFF

People forcing their nutritional values on me and reminding me CONSTANTLY about where Chicken Nuggets come from.

People who SMOKE telling me that it’s unhealthy for me, and they smoke those American Spirit cigarettes. Uh-excuse me…YOU ARE STILL FUCKING SMOKING. End. Of. Story.  – Curiously enough – these are the same people who post constantly about animal rights and the inhumane treatment of cattle and chickens.

If I want to eat a fucking DOUBLE STUFF OREO – or a PACKAGE of them – it’s my DAMN choice. Just like eating or not eating a fucking woodland creature is YOUR CHOICE. Here’s a NEWSFLASH, dorkwad…I KNOW THEY AREN’T HEALTHY. BUT THEY ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS. The. End.

Now – there’s a difference between someone trying to ask you to be more active and encourage our schools to feed our children with better quality foods – for the good of mankind – and those that are on their constant kick of “If you eat this you are an EVIL BITCH AND YOU ARE KILLING YOUR CHILDREN”…you’d have to be an idiot not to agree that our kids need more nutrition and physical activity. THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT HERE…I have a cousin who hates – and I mean HATES…WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS – Michelle Obama. She’s constantly putting things on the interwebs like, “SHE’S A FAT PIG! HOW DARE SHE TELL US OUR KIDS NEED TO EAT BETTER AND EXERCISE!!!!!!” Yeah…if Michelle Obama is a “fat pig”, I certainly don’t want to know what she thinks of my voluptuous ass! AND BESIDES, Childhood Obesity is clearly an issue most First Lady’s would take on at this point, don’tcha think? I don’t care if you are for or against President Obama…I haven’t seen one thing that his wife has done to bring that kind of dislike in her direction. ???? Am I missing something?

I told my neighbors that we gave our kids Hamburger Helper for dinner once…and you could actually see them slink away a little…sort of flinch….and when my kids came in the room, they got the crazy eye, like they wanted to snatch them from our home and raise them as their own and force them to eat quinoa and drink pomegranate juice for the rest of their lives.

Of course 20 years from now, people will probably be growing a third leg and wider shoulders to accommodate for the extra head we’ll all have from eating and drinking the quinoa and pomegranate juice…so…YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS!


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