When The Boss Is Away – The ASSHEAD Will Play

I’ve written about “Asshead” before. He’s the jerkface that I work with. I call him a lot of things, so try to follow along.

So the boss is away doing some training and ASSWIPE thinks he rules the roost, but he does that even when the boss is here…so I don’t know why I’m surprised.

So yesterday he’s in his office and all of a sudden, I hear all this racket and get up and he’s got a live video session playing AT FULL BLAST on his computer. So I get up and shut his door. A few minutes later he comes out, I guess to get some coffee, and leaves his door open again. WTF?! With a pissy, “You’re really testing my patience” look on my face, I got up – AGAIN – walked to his door – AGAIN – and closed the door – yep, you guessed it…AGAIN.

Here’s the deal. The assmunch has a headset. He was WATCHING the video on his computer monitor, but had to dial in using his phone. Was it really necessary to disrupt the entire office with this little display of shitless mindgames? No, no it really wasn’t.


Later in the day I heard, “Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.” And I said, “WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!” Co-worker who was slightly less annoyed than I said, “It’s Asshead throwing his stress ball against the wall.” To which I responded, “Are you fucking KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!” To which she replied, “Nope.”


Later he comes out of his office, throwing this stress ball to the carpeted floor – fairly hard – to get it to bounce back so he could catch it. He was shooting the shit with another employee and after about 5 minutes of this I got up and asked, “Is that really necessary? You are being just SO annoying, I can’t even believe it.” To which he laughed. At which point I shot a look at him like, “Keep it up motherfucker, and I’ll shove that goddamn stress ball up your ASS.”

Apparently he was killing time before he left for the day. So, once he left, I promptly went into his office, took the stress ball and hid it into one of the fake plants we have in the office.

He hasn’t mentioned the missing ball yet.

I was thinking about stabbing the ball with a large kitchen knife and leaving it on his desk, but I didn’t want to cause any issues for myself legally, so I just hid it in our hideous fake plants. No knives. Yet.


2 thoughts on “When The Boss Is Away – The ASSHEAD Will Play

  1. Michael says:

    Ah, those guys.

    Fortunately, while I’ve had annoying co-workers before, they’ve yet to prove themselves up to that level. The closest I’ve had is when I worked at a call center in Illinois, which had two guys (best friends) who would sit there and constantly talk *at* you. Not *to* you. At you.

    One of them even formally acknowledged that. “You are stuck near me. Therefore, you are going to be my talking buddy today. You don’t have to do anything other than nod and grunt occasionally, but you *will* get talked at.” “… *grunts*” “Splendid.”

    Good luck with the Asshat! (I know it’s Asshead/Asswipe, but new names are always fun. 😉 )

    • sassypanties says:

      Aaaahhh yes…the “Asshat”. Well, your jerkface loser co-worker sounds like he and my Asshead co-worker could have some lively conversation – whereby neither of them pays attention to what the other one says. I can’t get out of here fast enough. LORD HAVE MERCY!

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