Being a woman, I have some insight here. I will map out how to survive and what you need to say, when. It may seem insane at times, but for the love of GOD…do what I say, m’kay? Great. Let’s get started.
- You’ll notice it’s starting when the simplest of things set us off. When you see something like that happen? Just batten down the hatches for the next 2 – 2 1/2 weeks.
- You may *think * we have control over our emotions. We don’t. Most of the time we know we’re acting like a bitch, but we don’t have any control over what is happening to us, so for your sake, just don’t fly off the handle. Things get said, voices get raised, sometimes things get thrown. Get over it. It’s just the way it is.
- Cramps are no fucking laughing matter.
- Our boobs hurt. For like an entire week. We’re not talking 5 business days. We’re talking a calendar week. They are off limits.
- Would it kill you to give us a backrub without Mr. Winky making an appearance? It’s annoying. Control yourselves. Seriously.
- When we wear our frumpy sweats to bed and don’t act all clingy…the beaches are on RED TIDE alert. Take a hint.
- Sometimes we don’t know what we want. But when we *say* we want something? Don’t ask us, “Are you sure?”. You’re bound to wish you had never opened your mouth.
- Do not chew anything crunchy in our general vicinity. If you do, and you feel laser beams burning into your skull? That’s just us giving you the stink-eye. TRUST ME. You’d rather get the stink-eye than have us verbalize what we’re thinking.
- Would it kill you to cook a dinner or clean the god-damned kitchen?
- If we disappear, we are probably tucked away in bed trying to sleep off the pain and irritation of it all. If you hunt us down, don’t say anything. Just climb into bed, don’t say a word and snuggle. Don’t expect anything out of it. If you play by these rules now, in approximately one weeks time, when the tide has changed…you will thank your lucky stars…*wink wink – nudge nudge*…ifyaknowwuddImsayinnn….
Feel free to be part of this list by adding your own tips in the comment section, ladies. Even the men out there…if you have some experience or wisdom you’d like to throw in, feel free to do so.