The “Coolness” Factor

Popped collar and women's sunglasses. I. Rest. My. Case. Also, dude...there's a nekkid guy behind you. Ew.

Let’s face it folks, some people have it…others, not so much.

Do you ever just sit back and people watch and wonder to yourself, how is it possible for someone to be so…well…NOT COOL?!?!

I face this question every day. Let me give you some examples:

Example #1: The phoney baloney relationship uncool teenage boy

Chillin’ at Oldest Daughter’s Volleyball game. Sitting just one bleacher row down from me was one of the volleyball girls and her “boyfriend”. I couldn’t help but think…was I ever that geeky looking? I mean, my husband and I met at that VERY SAME HIGH SCHOOL…I’m sure we snuggled and had our arms around each other practically the same way as those two did..but I can’t help but think we were WAAAAY cooler looking than these two. It just seemed so phony or something. Granted, a high school volleyball game probably isn’t somewhere that you would normally find a match made in heaven, but still.

So they were all hand holdy and whispery and giggly. And if I’m not mistaken this dude had on a Members Only jacket…but hey, I’m not gonna judge a book by it’s cover…BWAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! YES I AM! Who am I trying to kid? That’s TOTES what I’m gonna do! So then I looked this “dude” over a little bit and uh…dude had the total Shaun Cassidy ‘do. It was all feathery and sooohohohooooo 80′s. But you know…whatevs.

Then his little sweetie pie gets called down to the court to help the varsity girls warm up and whammo…he starts texting on his cell like the second her last foot hit the hardwood floor. Which kinda cracked me up…and added some weight to the whole “phoney baloney” story I had made up in my mind.

Here’s one that hits really close to home – along the same topic:

My oldest daughter is 14. This summer she just discovered BOYS! *slaps forehead*

It was bound to happen sooner than later. I realize this. I just had hoped that it wouldn’t kick in for ONE MORE YEAR!

This summer there was a neighbor boy who was visiting his Dad up the road for the summer, and well, the family is less than desirable…but I kept my cool. I let things progress naturally until one day the kid was in my house and even though my huz was home at the time, he didn’t know this kid was hanging out in the living room and kitchen until he hopped out of the shower…luckily he had a towel on and all that, but STILL! WTF?!?!?!?

So oldest was showing off and flirting and all that crap when I got home. The reception that I got was full of HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, people!! It was soooooo Eddie Haskel it’s not even FUNNY! Full of “Gosh” and “WOW!” and “Yes Ma’am”. Meanwhile this kids dad is up the street head shaved, tatted out and smoking 2 packs a day right out in the front yard. OF ALL THE DAMN KIDS ON THE BLOCK, she picked the HILLBILLIEST of them ALL and we are basically having a HEART ATTACK! It’s like the only house on our block that is lame and white trashy…

So what we have here is someone who isn’t quite able to pull off the “cool” card and another who is trying to over use it. Where’s the balance?

Example #2: Co-worker – yeah, Ms. Sneezing all over my office without covering her pie/sneeze hole…she’s showing up in THIS blog post too…thought we were done with her, didn’tchya? NOPE!

Some one who is so unable to adjust her normal routine that it just about puts her into a tailspin when she has to do something out of the ordinary. Someone who is wired to JUMP the second the mailman gets here and shuffles through the company mail to only micro-milliseconds later walk past my desk and say something like, “There were no checks in the mail today – only bills.” or “There are 3 checks in the mail.”…uh…THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP NIMROD! Almost like, if she’s the first to notice something or find something out she’s gotta brag all about it and be all SHARE-Y. Welp…I process the mail everyday…I’m gonna see that shit. It’s not a newsflash worthy event and it doesn’t increase your street cred. It’s the mail. Thank you very much.

So in closing, I think that it’s important to KNOW your COOLNESS FACTOR. Either you have it or you don’t. That’s not to say there aren’t varying degrees of Coolness, but you need to get a grip on where you fall in the pie chart of cool and try not to stray outside those lines. The result may be a BLOG post…about you. Peace out, homies. SKIDOOOOOOOSH!

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