Foot Phobia…and other “phobias”

Get ready for some serious “crazy” folks. You’re getting a little insight to my instability. Feel free to share your “phobia’s” below in the comment section.

Pedicures. I don’t get it. It’s just soooo gross!!!!! Not only do I not want to touch other people’s feet, I don’t want strangers touching MY feet. I just can’t think of anything more disgusting than that. It’s just awkward and NO THANK YOU!!

My friend recently got her “toes done”. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had this discussion with her. LOTS, okay? LOTS. She tells me “You just gotta go get your feet done, it feels so good.” and while she’s talking I’m doing whatever I can to shake off the case of heebie jeebies she’s giving me while at the same time shooting her offer down. She knows how I feel about “Feet” yet, she always talks to me like someday she’s gonna change my mind about it. Well, guess what? SHE’S NOT!! NO MA’AM!!!!!!

Raw Chicken. I will have a full on siezure if I ever have to touch raw chicken. I have a box of latex gloves that I wear when I have to handle it. And, if I run out of latex gloves? You’d be surprised at how well I can manage with two baggies or two forks so that my fingers don’t have to touch it. I’m like a damn circus act or something. I need my own show in VEGAS!

Nirvana. Okay…so maybe it’s not a “phobia” per se, but I feel a strong dislike for Nirvana. I have the same disdain for Curt Cobain. What a fucking SELL OUT! Sure, kill yourself, who gives a shit. And also, I’m from Seattle…so don’t give me any crap over this one. It takes about 2 measures of ANY of their songs before I get a major case of the ass for whoever is in charge of the damn radio/iPod/Zune selection. It. Never. Fails. And if I have PMS? Fuhgidabouddit! You may as well kiss your mama goodbye, cuz HOMIE DON’T PLAY DAT!!

I have this “thing” about chips. It’s okay if I’ve got one of those little snack bags that you hold on to and grab one out at a time…it’s when you dump some on my plate that the sideshow heads to crazyville. I kinda like to sort them. Here’s how this shakes down.

  1. I separate all the ones that are whole. No corners or chunks taken out. Set those aside. DO NOT EAT THESE YET! GOD FORBID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. I then line up all the broken bits and starting with the smallest bits, I work my way up to the biggest broken bits. Eat from the smallest to the largest “bit”.
  3. Now that all the broken bits are gone, I feel that I’ve paid homage to the “Good little soldiers” who made it to me in tact and survived UNHARMED during the shipping and packaging process. I line up the ones that made it to my plate whole and in tact and proceed with sizing them up. Those that are all curled over go first – yep, DOWN THE HATCH! Eventually coming down to the one’s that lay perfectly flat and eating the smallest of the whole ones first, ending with the largest or the most flat.

Please don’t call the nutfarm. And also, QUIT JUDGING ME! I bet you’re weird too. Go ahead…tell me how weird you are. I dare you. No, I  double-dog dare you…

 

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7 thoughts on “Foot Phobia…and other “phobias”

  1. Missy Take says:

    Huh… I don’t have phobias like… you… not that I’m judging. I really couldn’t care less how you eat your chips. I have a friend who can’t touch raw meat. I’m not crazy about toes myself, but I do enjoy a good pedi and I did have my toes sucked once, and it felt very interesting. I woudn’t do it, though. Yuck.

    Oh, I do keep a piece of meat for the end – I like to finish my dinner with a bite of meat – does that count as weird?! 😉

    • sassypanties says:

      Toe sucking images just made me have a seizure…thanks. a. lot.

      Not that we are BFF’s or anything, nor do I pretend to be your kindred spirit…but you’re weird and it didn’t take saving a piece of meat till the end of the meal to make you that way. *No offense* Hehe

  2. bigrojsgal says:

    “Double dog dare” made me want to yell out “You play ball like a GGUURRRLLLL” to no one in particular.

    Those are possibly THE two, all time best, movie-kid-threat-quotes out there. 🙂

    Ok, that being said…after a long period where I got lost in cogitation, I found my way out of the dark cave where I store my brain, and remembered my top two phobias: 1) The Attack of Restaurant Smell, and, 2) Duke Nukem. Initially my ‘number one’ started out being titled as “Wendys’ Grossness.” However, after having been assaulted by clinging restaurant odors in other establishments I had to expand a bit. I consider it to be one of the nastiest things ever known to man, at least in my little world. The nasty greasy stale stankyassed stench of a lunch joint silently sneaking up and stabbing me right in the nose hours after having left the place makes me hurl. Gaaahhgggk…the reflex kicks in. I get an overwhelming urge to strip naked and run for the cool safety of fresh outdoors air. Screaming. Sniffling. No one wants to see that.

    I need a bubble suit. Even for take out. The bags have odors.

    Ok, now, for Duke and his nuke. My second one is…drumroll……the mispronunciation of the word Nuclear. Where, where, WHERE is the “U”? FREAKING SAY IT PHONETICALLY! IT IS N O T NEW-Q-LAR! NOT! NNNOTTT!!

    I didn’t know this was a phobia until my freshman Chem class at U.D. The professor seemed cool, laid back, and progressive. He told jokes, wore giant birth-control glasses, and made fun of himself. Why, he was the most awesome 8 am prof I had ever seen. I even grinned the first time he tripped over nothing while pacing around his podium. And then, without warning, the words escaped his chapped lips….slamming against my forehead so hard that my eyes teared. I had to run from the room, up the stairs to the back entrance because it felt like my head was on fire. It was possibly one of the top ten worst feelings I have ever had. Even to this day, some 28 years later!

    🙂 Ahahaha, I love being weird!

    Later & thanks for the laugh today,
    Felicia

    • sassypanties says:

      Wow..restaurant smell. Okay – here’s a little insight…when I was 17…hmmm…maybe 16, I was a “SHIFT MANAGER” at Taco Bell. Talk about Clingy STANK!!! Good Lord and Baby Jesus! My mother would get REALLY PISSED if I washed my stupid uniform with other clothes because the smell just sorta permeated throughout the load, no matter HOW MUCH SOAP I USED! I feel like I’m going to barf just thinking about it.

      And yeah…Nuclear. If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to speak intelligently – only to eff up the word “NEW Q LAR” – about the poor folks in Japan…I’d be a very wealthy bitch.

      These are all excellent examples of weird quirks and phobias. Congratulations. We’re weird. Super.

  3. Haha, holy fucking crazy bitch, Batman!!

    Picture this- my wife bought 40 fucking pounds of whole boneless chicken from some farm coop yesterday and she decided she had to prep it before freezing. She cuts every trace of fat and whatever from those fuckers. So she was elbow deep in raw chicken and its juices for 2 hours and was so disgusted that she may be a vegetarian now.

    She also hates when I let the dog lick my feet, but I love it!

    Finally, I eat my meals one thing at a time. I eat what I like least on my plate first and what I like most last. It drives wife bonkers that my girl eats the same way now. Lol.

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