Happy Anniversary to ME, from WordPress and ROOSTERS.

It’s been 4 years of sporadic posting, hilarity and profanity here in Sassyland. I need to thank those of you that actually read this drivel, for without you, I surely would have given up long ago.

And while we are on the subject of giving up…my newest frustration comes in the form of a ROOSTER.

Yep! You read that right. I have a tenant that will NOT get rid of the Rooster they have had staying in their van for the last several months. Apparently, they have had him since he was just a little wee chicky. And it’s their pet. I KNOW, YOU GUYS!

Well, about 8 months ago, I reported in this VERY BLOG, about this rooster that was living in their van. They were asked back then to get rid of it because we don’t allow FARM ANIMALS on the property. It’s not just an apartment rule…it’s also a city ordinance. So, you know…GET RID OF IT. Only, they moved it from their van to their apartment. Yep.

I got a call from one of my other tenants the other day telling me that there is a rooster in the apartment above hers and crows in the wee morning hours and makes all sorts of racket up in the apartment.

And the other day, it got loose in the parking lot and they were chasing it all over the place for like, 1/2 an hour!

And so, after I stopped laughing – because when someone tells you that there is a chicken on the loose in the parking lot and there are grown people chasing it and you DON’T LAUGH? You’ve got to be dead inside. After I stopped laughing – I told her I’d take care of it.

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY – they speak Spanish so, I had my maintenance guy come in to translate for me so there would be NO FURTHER MISUNDERSTANDING regarding this MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER:

They came in to pay their rent…late…but – whatevs. I took the opportunity to confront them about the damned rooster. Again. It went a little like this:

Me: Let’s talk about the rooster again.

Them: *blank stare*

Me: I told you once before to get rid of the rooster. My co-worker told you to get rid of the rooster two weeks ago.

Them: *averting their eyes*

Me: I will not ask you again to get rid of the rooster. If I hear about that rooster one more time, I’ll evict you. We cannot have roosters living here – in your van OR your apartment. The city doesn’t allow it and neither do I.

Them: Okay, okay, okay.  I’m going to make a house for it. I have a friend that is a cop and he said I can make a house for it.

Me: YOU CANNOT HAVE A HOUSE BUILT FOR A ROOSTER HERE!!!!!!! Why don’t you understand?!?

Them: No, I have a friend that will let me keep it at their house, I’ll make a house for them there. My English no so good.

Me: My Spanish no so good, either, so no rooster here. And it needs to happen RIGHT AWAY! No more ROOSTER.

Them: GOD MADE THE ANIMALS!!!!

Me: Yes, that’s the rumor.

Them: He’s very very pretty.

Me: I’m sure he is. He can be pretty somewhere else, NOT HERE.

Then my co-worker pulled out a can of whoop-ass:

Co-Worker: I told you last week to get rid of the Rooster. Either get rid of him or move out and turn in your keys. This is ridiculous. There’s no more discussion.

Them: What you say?!?! GOD made the animals. God made the animals before He made the humans!

Me: Okay. Just make sure the rooster is gone. I don’t want to have to talk to you about this again.

Them: Ok, ok…GOD BLESS YOU.

Roosters. God damned ROOSTERS. #apartmentmanagerproblems

 

 

Apartment Manager Tales: Filling in at my old property…

So I’m sitting here at the desk of one of the properties that I used to manage, helping fill in while the current manager is off helping another property with some sort of tax somethingorother. This is the same property where one of my residents who hadn’t paid her rent and was in the process of getting evicted decided it’d be a great idea to just sort of climb through the window and charge at my desk after being repeatedly told I was going to call 911 if she didn’t leave. It was about 3-4 months later than I was given another property…but the stress that this caused is still lingering inside my body a little bit – even though this idiot fucktard is no longer a resident here and it’s been 2 years since I’ve managed this place…I’ve still got that twinge of PTSD running through my veins and ugh…

ANYWAY – yesterday, I was sitting here, things were pretty quiet. Like, reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyy quiet. I was just puttering around the internets and this lady walked in waving a sheet of paper all over the place.

Where’s she at?

Uh…are you referring to Deb? She’s at another property for the next couple days, what can I help you with.

angry02

I don’t know what she is doing giving me this notice! I paid my rent on time. I got money from the government to help pay my rent for the last two months! I was behind $500 and they gave me a check and…

(blah blah blah…it just kept going like that for a few minutes…all the while waving these two sheets of paper around about 2 feet from my face)

May I look at those papers please?

(shoves them at me, mumbling under her breath)

I’ve been screwed before, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to get screwed again…not by her or by anybody!

(As I look over the papers one thing becomes abundantly clear. The papers are dated from a month ago. A. MONTH. AGO.)

It appears that these papers were from April. Were you behind on your rent in April?

I just told you I was! But I’m all caught up – why am I getting these papers NOW?!

You didn’t *get* these papers NOW…they are dated for April 6th. You got them April 6th. Where did you find these papers?

One of my kids handed these to me.

Okay – well, these are old papers from when you were actually late with your rent. Let me look up your account to make sure you’re paid in full right now. *clicketty clicketty…type-type-type* It shows here that you don’t owe any money. These are old. You can just file them or do whatever you want with them.

Alright then.

 

Day Two of the Soda Files, Sassyland.

Day two. 

  
So, I’m using an empty one liter Pepsi bottle to successfully get through this water drinking business, you guys. It’s working GREAT! Two successful days of drinking oodles of water and about a week with no soda whatsoever. 

I should disclose that I have done this twice before – quitting the soda. I’ve gone 6 months without it, having a big camping trip at the end to celebrate with all the soda a gal could want as my reward. The difference this time is that I’ve got a goal each day to consume water. 

Wanna know what I need to remember?

TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE I FUCKING GET IN MY CAR AND LEAVE WORK! Someone almost didn’t make it home tonight with dry pants…in fact, I used Siri to text my daughter to make sure the door was unlocked so that I could run straight in. My dogs thought I was nuts when I swung open the door, dropped my purse on the floor, stripped my coat off and started unbuttoning my pants, all while I was trying to not break my face because I wore heels to work and couldn’t kick them off.

But you know what?! Unlike yesterday, when I only peed ONCE at work and I started wondering how dehydrated I actually was (severely, I’m guessing) I had the joy of 5 trips to the restroom today! This means I’m finally hydrated! 

Are any of you attempting to cut back or stop drinking soda with me? Tell me how it’s going. If you’re afraid of being judged, don’t worry about that, if any asshole tries to be rude in the comments after you bear your soul, I’ll send the WordPress goons after them and banish them from Sassyland forever and ever and EVER! 

I intend to share this journey with you – the good and the bad. I’m not afraid of being 100% honest with you people.  

Happy watering! xoxo

My soda-ending journey – Buckle Up, Sassyland

…this might be a bumpy ride.

A couple weeks ago, I declared – out loud, so others could hear me – that I’m going to stop drinking soda. 

Why on earth would you do that?!?!

Because. I’m fat. I’m tired. I drink (drank) too much of it.

How much soda did you drink, Sassy?

A. Lot. 

My soda of choice is Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. Equally delicious, in my book. 

Do you think we are going to let you get away with “A. Lot.”?! No. Spill it.

Ok. In one day, I could easily drink two – 20 oz. bottles at work or three 12 oz. cans. Or…if I was lucky, a co-worker would gift me a 1 liter bottle and I could nurse that thing for most of the day and still want to get a can to chug before I went home, only to go straight to the fridge to drink another can before dinner and once dinner was done cooking, I’d grab one pint glass, fill it with about 5 ice cubes, empty the contents of yet another can into the glass then grab one more can and head to the couch – because that’s where we go to eat dinner – the couch. This is where I’ll gorge myself on dinner and finish off my poured pint glass and crack open yet another can and finish that one off. Typically, I’d just sit there the rest of the night…wallowing in my regret. 

I’ve done this for years. And quite frankly, this shit needs to stop. Immediately.

Why now, Sassy? 

I’m stopping now because, I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of not getting off of my fat ass. I need to start living. I think the only way for me to accomplish this goal, is to stop the thing that I indulge in most…and that is soda. 

 
I’m not sure I ever felt like I could rule the world, but I can assure you that I feel as though I was about to not be in it – and who wants a world without Sassy in it?! Not me, that’s who!

So today, my goal was to drink two 1 liter bottles of water. I accomplished this goal. And you know what, you guys? I’m pretty fucking proud of myself. You know what else? I only peed ONCE! It may seem funny…but it’s really alarming and sad. 

Two 1 liter bottles of water. One trip to the restroom.  Do you suppose I’m slightly dehydrated?! Perhaps even SEVERELY?! Yeah…me too.
So, this is my public journey. I invite you to join me. No judgement. No commitment. Just a few folks, giving up soda to perhaps avoid a diabetic coma or two. Perhaps lose some weight. Maybe gain some energy. We can build each other up. We can forgive and give support when we slip. Start with short term goals. Try it for a month. Document the changes in your body. I’m going to. 

That fella singing in the coffee shop…

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sassypanties:

Music Lovers!!!!!! This is my new “side blog”. We support local music whenever we can. Please read and follow, comment, re-blog….boost the signal…I’d appreciate it.

Originally posted on House Show Junkies:

You’re walking down the street in your little metropolitan semi-large city and happen upon one of those little quirky coffee shops. You think to yourself, “Hey…it’s been 12 minutes since my last cup of overpriced coffee, I better stop in and get a cup to go!”

Only…when you walk in, you see a fella standing on a tiny stage in the corner, playing his acoustic guitar, melodies flowing out of his mouth like a gentle whisper. I bet he’s even wearing a plaid shirt and has a roll or two on the cuffs of his jeans, am I right? Yeah…that’s what I thought.

You see that fella up there? The one pouring his heart out to whoever will listen? Do you have any idea how much time has been spent writing the lyrics and music to those original songs you are lucky to be listening to? Do you have any…

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