Apartment Manager Tales: Filling in at my old property…

So I’m sitting here at the desk of one of the properties that I used to manage, helping fill in while the current manager is off helping another property with some sort of tax somethingorother. This is the same property where one of my residents who hadn’t paid her rent and was in the process of getting evicted decided it’d be a great idea to just sort of climb through the window and charge at my desk after being repeatedly told I was going to call 911 if she didn’t leave. It was about 3-4 months later than I was given another property…but the stress that this caused is still lingering inside my body a little bit – even though this idiot fucktard is no longer a resident here and it’s been 2 years since I’ve managed this place…I’ve still got that twinge of PTSD running through my veins and ugh…

ANYWAY – yesterday, I was sitting here, things were pretty quiet. Like, reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyy quiet. I was just puttering around the internets and this lady walked in waving a sheet of paper all over the place.

Where’s she at?

Uh…are you referring to Deb? She’s at another property for the next couple days, what can I help you with.


I don’t know what she is doing giving me this notice! I paid my rent on time. I got money from the government to help pay my rent for the last two months! I was behind $500 and they gave me a check and…

(blah blah blah…it just kept going like that for a few minutes…all the while waving these two sheets of paper around about 2 feet from my face)

May I look at those papers please?

(shoves them at me, mumbling under her breath)

I’ve been screwed before, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to get screwed again…not by her or by anybody!

(As I look over the papers one thing becomes abundantly clear. The papers are dated from a month ago. A. MONTH. AGO.)

It appears that these papers were from April. Were you behind on your rent in April?

I just told you I was! But I’m all caught up – why am I getting these papers NOW?!

You didn’t *get* these papers NOW…they are dated for April 6th. You got them April 6th. Where did you find these papers?

One of my kids handed these to me.

Okay – well, these are old papers from when you were actually late with your rent. Let me look up your account to make sure you’re paid in full right now. *clicketty clicketty…type-type-type* It shows here that you don’t owe any money. These are old. You can just file them or do whatever you want with them.

Alright then.


Day Two of the Soda Files, Sassyland.

Day two. 

So, I’m using an empty one liter Pepsi bottle to successfully get through this water drinking business, you guys. It’s working GREAT! Two successful days of drinking oodles of water and about a week with no soda whatsoever. 

I should disclose that I have done this twice before – quitting the soda. I’ve gone 6 months without it, having a big camping trip at the end to celebrate with all the soda a gal could want as my reward. The difference this time is that I’ve got a goal each day to consume water. 

Wanna know what I need to remember?

TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE I FUCKING GET IN MY CAR AND LEAVE WORK! Someone almost didn’t make it home tonight with dry pants…in fact, I used Siri to text my daughter to make sure the door was unlocked so that I could run straight in. My dogs thought I was nuts when I swung open the door, dropped my purse on the floor, stripped my coat off and started unbuttoning my pants, all while I was trying to not break my face because I wore heels to work and couldn’t kick them off.

But you know what?! Unlike yesterday, when I only peed ONCE at work and I started wondering how dehydrated I actually was (severely, I’m guessing) I had the joy of 5 trips to the restroom today! This means I’m finally hydrated! 

Are any of you attempting to cut back or stop drinking soda with me? Tell me how it’s going. If you’re afraid of being judged, don’t worry about that, if any asshole tries to be rude in the comments after you bear your soul, I’ll send the WordPress goons after them and banish them from Sassyland forever and ever and EVER! 

I intend to share this journey with you – the good and the bad. I’m not afraid of being 100% honest with you people.  

Happy watering! xoxo

My soda-ending journey – Buckle Up, Sassyland

…this might be a bumpy ride.

A couple weeks ago, I declared – out loud, so others could hear me – that I’m going to stop drinking soda. 

Why on earth would you do that?!?!

Because. I’m fat. I’m tired. I drink (drank) too much of it.

How much soda did you drink, Sassy?

A. Lot. 

My soda of choice is Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. Equally delicious, in my book. 

Do you think we are going to let you get away with “A. Lot.”?! No. Spill it.

Ok. In one day, I could easily drink two – 20 oz. bottles at work or three 12 oz. cans. Or…if I was lucky, a co-worker would gift me a 1 liter bottle and I could nurse that thing for most of the day and still want to get a can to chug before I went home, only to go straight to the fridge to drink another can before dinner and once dinner was done cooking, I’d grab one pint glass, fill it with about 5 ice cubes, empty the contents of yet another can into the glass then grab one more can and head to the couch – because that’s where we go to eat dinner – the couch. This is where I’ll gorge myself on dinner and finish off my poured pint glass and crack open yet another can and finish that one off. Typically, I’d just sit there the rest of the night…wallowing in my regret. 

I’ve done this for years. And quite frankly, this shit needs to stop. Immediately.

Why now, Sassy? 

I’m stopping now because, I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of not getting off of my fat ass. I need to start living. I think the only way for me to accomplish this goal, is to stop the thing that I indulge in most…and that is soda. 

I’m not sure I ever felt like I could rule the world, but I can assure you that I feel as though I was about to not be in it – and who wants a world without Sassy in it?! Not me, that’s who!

So today, my goal was to drink two 1 liter bottles of water. I accomplished this goal. And you know what, you guys? I’m pretty fucking proud of myself. You know what else? I only peed ONCE! It may seem funny…but it’s really alarming and sad. 

Two 1 liter bottles of water. One trip to the restroom.  Do you suppose I’m slightly dehydrated?! Perhaps even SEVERELY?! Yeah…me too.
So, this is my public journey. I invite you to join me. No judgement. No commitment. Just a few folks, giving up soda to perhaps avoid a diabetic coma or two. Perhaps lose some weight. Maybe gain some energy. We can build each other up. We can forgive and give support when we slip. Start with short term goals. Try it for a month. Document the changes in your body. I’m going to. 

That fella singing in the coffee shop…

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Music Lovers!!!!!! This is my new “side blog”. We support local music whenever we can. Please read and follow, comment, re-blog….boost the signal…I’d appreciate it.

Originally posted on House Show Junkies:

You’re walking down the street in your little metropolitan semi-large city and happen upon one of those little quirky coffee shops. You think to yourself, “Hey…it’s been 12 minutes since my last cup of overpriced coffee, I better stop in and get a cup to go!”

Only…when you walk in, you see a fella standing on a tiny stage in the corner, playing his acoustic guitar, melodies flowing out of his mouth like a gentle whisper. I bet he’s even wearing a plaid shirt and has a roll or two on the cuffs of his jeans, am I right? Yeah…that’s what I thought.

You see that fella up there? The one pouring his heart out to whoever will listen? Do you have any idea how much time has been spent writing the lyrics and music to those original songs you are lucky to be listening to? Do you have any…

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Love is Love, Sassyland.

Ah yes, the subject that can either bond us as eternal equality seekers with a shared belief that people are free to love who they want, or tear us apart, causing a divide in our relationship. I’ll never turn my back on you, so it’ll have to be you that makes the move.

I’m comfortable within my own skin to share with you my thoughts on this subject without fear of retaliation or vicious backlash, because if you simply are so disturbed by what I’m about to write, my suggestion would be to please read this post in its entirety before you unfollow my blog, if that’s what you choose to do. I respect your decision and I’m in no way trying to get anyone to change their views on homosexuality and the LGBTQ community – but I am going to ensure that my voice is heard and that you know where I stand on this “issue” that shouldn’t really be an issue at all.

Love is Love. This is what I believe down to my core. The human race is a very emotional species and we require love to flourish in all ways possible. Whether it be love for your fellow man, for the earth, for a Twinkie, for a religion, for a nice cool alcoholic beverage…whatever it is, love is at the core of all we do.

Kindness and graciousness are forms of love. Judgement is not. Tolerance and acceptance is a form of love. Hatred and bullying are not. Now – if you are a regular reader of this blog, you’re probably yelling at your handheld device or computer monitor right now: SASSY! OMFG, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUDGY AND DOWNRIGHT RUDE SOMETIMES, HOW CAN YOU TYPE THAT STUFF?!?!?! Give me a minute…I’ll try to articulate it.

I went to a church service last night which was a Christian gathering of people there to “Celebrate Recovery” and to support the wife of a friend who was going to share her journey to recovery. I had never gone to this church before nor participated in a “Celebrate Recovery” service. So to explain “Celebrate Recovery” to you, your “recovery” can be a myriad of things from; drug addiction, abuse, food addiction, self doubt, struggling with forgiveness, trust issues…so many more things were discussed last night, but the one that almost made me walk out of there was from a man that had been part of the worship team, in front of the gathering, singing worship songs, leading us in prayer…when it came time for him to share with us some updates for the church and before he discussed his talking points, he introduced himself and shared his recovery “category” if you will…(example: Hi, I’m Sassy and I’m recovering from using profanity and working through my Hostess Berry Pie addiction.)

His recovery item was a Recovery From Homosexuality.

This saddened me. I am not a theologian and I am NOT a frequent church goer – but I do consider myself a Christian – in training, because aren’t we all (?) and have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior – just like Beyoncé. I think the word “from” in his statement concerned me the most. From. To take away from…to take away his homosexuality. Is this what I’m to understand he is trying to accomplish?

From my understanding – you cannot “recover” from Homosexuality no more than you can recover from being a Human Being. I was finding it extremely hard to get past this and clear my head enough to experience completely the story my friends wife shared. I was able to listen to her very touching account of the struggles she had faced growing up, in her 20’s and her marriage and was very impressed because I know how utterly accepting and gracious a person she is and to now know what she has gone through in her life and how for her, God has helped her through many trials and tribulations made me so happy for her journey – but…if I’m honest, that kids voice kept echoing in my head the whole time and my heart sunk in my chest a little bit.

But getting back to this recovery from homosexuality…I guess I’m just worried about this young man’s well-being. Stifling who you are for acceptance – seeking forgiveness and peace for something that you are so hard-wired to be, seems almost abusive in some way. I don’t really know how to articulate what I’m feeling. I do know that his journey is his alone. And you have to believe in SOMETHING…even if it’s nothing. For him, God is helping him understand himself. Perhaps I should have spoken to him after the service to truly understand what he meant. I don’t know.

I feel that God is the only judge that matters and for those that are Christian believers and should be following the bible (yes…there’s that whole passage about a man lying with a man and it being an abomination in Leviticus)…but there are also parts where it says that God is the only true judge.

James 4:12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you–who are you to judge your neighbor?

I believe that the God I love and worship in my own way, forgives when you ask to be forgiven, but living the truth of who you genuinely are and doing so with compassion when necessary, giving and asking for forgiveness when necessary, showing love and acceptance for those around you and giving respect to those that need and deserve it are things that we will ultimately be judged for…not by any human walking the earth, but by God, Himself.

I feel so flip-floppy with this post, because I realize this Blog is filled with me passing judgment in a satirical and profane way – which is something that it will ALWAYS have – but at the same time, those who know me know that I am extreeeeeeemely accepting of people – except the assholes – and truly – down to my TOES want people just to be happy. Gloriously drunk with JOY, is my wish for people of all kinds, shapes, colors…just happy-ness. And to feel loved, by me. I’m a pretty mushy bitch, y’all. Seriously.

Anyway – this was weighing on my heart and I needed to share it. And don’t you dare think for even one split second, that I am one of those groups of people that give Christian’s a bad name – because this is the sort of sign I’d be holding if I saw a group of these poor excuse for human beings anywhere in my vicinity:

I'd be the dude in the hat...only more girly and probably with a barrette in my hair or something.

I’d be the dude in the hat…only more girly and probably with a barrette in my hair or something.