TIPS: How to survive PMS. For MEN.

sassypanties:

I got a hit on this blog post today and thought – I AM FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!

Originally posted on sassypanties:

Hi Fellas,

Being a woman, I have some insight here. I will map out how to survive and what you need to say, when. It may seem insane at times, but for the love of GOD…do what I say, m’kay? Great. Let’s get started.

  1. You’ll notice it’s starting when the simplest of things set us off. When you see something like that happen? Just batten down the hatches for the next 2 – 2 1/2 weeks.
  2. You may *think * we have control over our emotions. We don’t. Most of the time we know we’re acting like a bitch, but we don’t have any control over what is happening to us, so for your sake, just don’t fly off the handle. Things get said, voices get raised, sometimes things get thrown. Get over it. It’s just the way it is.
  3. Cramps are no fucking laughing matter.
  4. Our boobs hurt. For…

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Emma Hill’s video is on CMT and MTV!!!

Remember yesterday when I posted about Emma Hill? Well…today is a huge deal for her.

Mtv and CMT debuted her music video for “Lioness” TODAY from her album “Denali”. We are pretty much losing our shit over here…

To say that the excitement is over the top, would be an understatement.

Eric Power, from Austin, did such a beautiful job on the video and captured the absolute heart of what Emma was trying to illustrate with her lyrics.

It’s a dangerous, touching, thoughtful, empowering and delicate story that symbolizes struggles of love, standing your ground and being who you are – faults and all.

It was Emma’s music that first endeared her to us. We then put on a house concert where she and Bryan came to sing for our friends and family which eventually grew into a friendship – one of those friendships that goes down in the record books. Bryan Daste is completely amazing and just oozing with talent and has become such a great friend as well.

Here’s the video to LIONESS, y’all.

This…is Emma Hill

I’ve posted about her before. I’m sort of crazy about her music and as a person and friend, I adore her – truly and sincerely. She’s AMAZEBALLS.

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I recently decided that it was time I launched a Fanclub for her since the running joke is that I’m like her biggest Superfan of all time and I’m constantly plugging her amazing music. But the timing of this is special because she just launched a new album titled “Denali” and it is…fantastic. Emma is from Alaska and a little tiny town called Sleetmute.

It should come as no surprise then, that I created a “Superfans of Emma Hill” page on Facebook. Feel free to join if you love this video I’m about to share. You can also hit us up on Twitter: @EmmaSuperfans

She’s on tour right now with her best friend Bryan Daste who is infinitely talented and plays banjo, a fucking AWESOME pedal steel that will turn you into a weeping sobbing shell of a human being – but…this man sings with Emma in such a way as to enhance her every note and make her shine and soar and he is just such a great guy. It’s truly the best collaboration I’ve witnessed. They are heading to Philly this week and DC, so if you are in the area, I implore you to go hunt them down and witness the greatness in person.

Feel free to also check out Emma’s webpage here. You can sign up to be added to her email list.

Here is the video I promised. This song is on her new album “Denali” and it’s called “An Epic”. Enjoy.

Apartment Manager Tales # 42: A rooster in a van.

This goes into my “You’ve *GOT* to be fucking kidding me” file.

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A ROOSTER…IN A VAN, Y’ALL!

10:17 AM November 17th, 2014

Caller: Hi – I wanted to let you know that the new people that moved in above me have a rooster in their van and it’s been crowing really early in the mornings and it’s been waking me up for quite some time. It’s been getting really cold out lately and I  think you should call animal control or something because this is really quite ridiculous.

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa…hang on a second. I’m sorry if I’m cutting you off or laughing at what you’re telling me right now, but did you just say the people who moved in above you are keeping a *rooster* in their *van*?

Caller: Yes, that’s what I’m saying.

Me: I mean, I’m sorry if I’m laughing, but this might be the best call yet. And you are giving me some really good Facebook material right now if I heard you correctly. [yes - I really said all of this as I was laughing...] I’m going to just repeat what you said, you said there is a rooster in a van and it’s been in there for awhile and it “crows” in the morning – waking you up, right? Like, this is really happening?

Caller: Yes, that’s what I said. I walked up to it because I was washing my windows and I saw a cage in there…and a rooster.

Me: Wow. Okay. We will….address this and deal with it. Thanks for calling.

Now…I’d like it to be known that our “Pet Policy” already reads like a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not marketing piece…or maybe a Candid Camera episode…but I never thought I’d have to add “rooster” to the list. (We actually had to add “Flying Squirrels” to this list…as my maintenance guy says…it only takes one idiot to ruin it for the whole group.)

#apartmentmanagerproblems

Hotel Californication

When Don Henley grunts when he says, “(…)Mercedes Benz- UUUUH”… I want to jump his bones. Hard.

I don’t give a flying SHIT that he’s 638 years old. He melts my butter and my hormones run amok.

And THAT is my Friday Man Crush post. 638 year old Don Henley.

Thanks for reading.