Stupid Questions #2: What Are They Even Supposed To Be Doing?

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If you haven’t started following this lady, I highly suggest that you do. She also has a YouTube channel and Vlog’s. I’d consider it a personal favor and you’ll thank me…

Originally posted on therookiegirlblog:

Okay Rookies, I know learning football can be a bit trying, but that question sounds like it is just loaded with snark.

And I know from snark.

Well, last week you learned about your team. This week are the very rudimentary basics of the game. More in blogs to follow!

Here we go …

They’re supposed to be getting the ball to the goal. The goal is the whole end of the field! If they do it, they earn points. How they do it determines how many points they earn.

They’re supposed to be getting the ball at least ten yards within their four chances. Each of those chances is called a “down.” Hopefully they’ll move much further – like all the way to the end for a TOUCHDOWN – but if they get their ten yards they get four more downs.

Some commentators will say that teams who…

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Hello Sassyland, remember me? It’s Sassy. Apartment Manager Tales #26

Close your mouth, Sassyland. You’re not imagining things…it’s really me. I’m baaaaaaack….

This started as a Facebook rant, but then, I decided against it. And thus brings Sassy back to the old Sassyland Bloggity. I have so many stories to share with you. I should really just pace myself and ride the wave as far ashore as I can before I get lazy again.

So this phone call just happened:

Screwy Lady on the Phone: “Hi I’m looking for a one bedroom apartment.”
Me: “When are you hoping to move by?”
SLOTP: “Immediately.”
Me: “I do have a one bedroom available. Would you like to come by and take a look and fill out an application?”
SLOTP: “Yes! I’m waiting for a ride. What are your rental requirements?”
Me: “2 1/2 times income vs. rent, no evictions, no owing other landlords back rent, and we screen your credit and criminal history as well.”
SLOTP: “Well, I’m good on income, but I have an eviction.”
Me: “How long ago was the eviction?”
SLOTP: “I don’t know…I had brain surgery, so I can’t remember.”
Me: “Okay, so was it fairly recent or 20 years ago?”
SLOTP (having a rather clear headed response all of a sudden): “It was 4 years ago.”
Me: “Well, that’s pretty recent, we are instructed to not rent to anyone with an eviction on their record that is within the last 7 years.”
SLOTP: “I really need somewhere to live. I just need a second chance.”

At this point I was checked out and fairly certain this wasn’t going to end with me having an approved application.

That’s the thing. I get these people calling me and when we discuss the rental requirements for screening them, I disclose that I cannot approve an application if they have an eviction on their record or if they have a felony. I give them a chance to come clean EVERY TIME – but I guess they just think that it won’t come up! I mean………if you’re IN THE MIDDLE of an EVICTION? You fucking KNOW it. If you’ve BEEN evicted? You KNOW that, too! Your shit ends up on the fucking sidewalk…unless you move out before that step is taken. So yeah…I don’t feel too sorry for people.

This happened earlier this week…

A couple days ago I saw a familiar face walking towards my office and I had a flashback of the last time I saw this woman – which was about 2-3 months ago. It went a little something like this:

It was a crisp spring day. A woman and her daughter, smelling heavily of cigarettes, came into my office inquiring about a 2 bed/1 bath apartment. I happened to have one available so I proceeded to ask her if she was interested in taking a look. She agreed. She liked the apartment and her daughter liked the apartment. We got back to the office and all the typical questions we asked and all the typical answers were given. They walked away with applications and were told to return them ASAP with a money order for the screening fee. And they left.

The next day:

It was a crisp spring day. The same woman and her daughter came in, smelling heavily of cigarettes, with their filled out application and money order in hand. I re-iterated, as I typically do because people around here – for some reason – listen with their ASSES, that the rent was $845.00 and our owners pay garbage, but the resident is responsible for paying water/sewer which is about $55/month. And this is where she sort of lost it:

Cigarette Lady: “So rent is $900.00/month?”

Me: “No, rent is $845.00/month and your utility cost about $55/month.”

CL: “You should have just told me rent was $900.00/month in the beginning.”

Me: “I told you yesterday that the 2 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment is $845.00/month. And that your utilities for water/sewer were approximately $55.00/month and you’ll get a statement each month showing both of those charges. Rent is rent, utilities are utilities.

CL: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Do you want to apply for the apartment or not?”

CL: “You should have told me all of that yesterday when I was here. I’m not applying for this shitty apartment. Give me back my money order.”

Me: “Aaaaaaallllllllllrighty then.”

Cue to Cigarette Lady walking into my office a couple days ago:

Me: May I help you?

CL: (still stinking to high heaven of stale/recently smoked cigarettes) Yeah…you need to cash this money order because I made it out to you.

Me: I have no way to cash that money order.

CL: It’s made out to you, you can cash it and issue me a check.

Me: I don’t issue checks here. Do you have your receipt from when you purchased the money order?

CL: Yes. I want the number to your corporate office.

Me: We are not going to negotiate that check for you. You should be able to cash that check where you purchased it with the receipt. I can’t help you.

CL: Give me the number to your corporate office or boss or something.

Me: I’m happy to give you that number, but I’m telling you – we are not going to cash a check for a service we didn’t provide you. It’s a money order for a screening and you never applied with me. You negated the contract when you collected your money order and you canceled your application.

CL: You don’t have to get crazy and weird…

Me: I’m not getting crazy and weird. You’re asking me to cash something that I never provided a service for. I can’t just cash checks whenever someone walks in here. And I can’t accept payment for a service I didn’t provide.

CL: You don’t need to be a bitch about it.

Me: I’ve engaged in this conversation long enough. You need to leave this office and property. You’re not welcome here. Get out.

I’m certainly not short on materials…wait until I share with you my latest installment of “…and then my Maintenance Guy went BATSHIT CRAY-CRAY”

Stay tuned, Sassyland…stay tuned.

The Journey of Motherhood


In case you missed it..

Originally posted on sassypanties:

This isn’t your typical “Sassy” post…

As I embark on a new phase of parenting my first born, I’m forced to look back at the job I’ve done as a mother and reflect.

My daughter is graduating High School in 44 days. And in 57 days, her father and I are sending her 1/2 way around the world with one of her friends for a 3 week European adventure.

Reflection #1: When I found out that I was pregnant with her, it was a shock. At first completely terrified. Then overjoyed. The 42 weeks I was pregnant with her were the most glorious days of my life. I enjoyed every moment. Those moments when I was in the bedroom putting my clothes on in the very first trimester and falling  back onto my bed because a wave of nausea had come over me…the never-ending craving for Taco Bell…until that fateful…

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Verizon Customer Service – and also my husband is probably a Saint or something…


I just really think you need to read this again.

Originally posted on sassypanties:

Let me begin by saying that I knew that I really had something special when I stumbled into my husband the first time…and this? This is exactly why we’ve had a successful marriage for almost 21 years…(this is an actual chat session my husband had with Verizon Customer Support just last night…I couldn’t figure out why he was laughing so hard when he was just simply trying to order our daughter her first cell phone…)

Please hold for a Verizon Wireless sales representative to assist you with your order. Thank you for your patience.

You are now chatting with ‘Miceala’

Nathaniel: Hi, I would like to add another line for my daughter. We would like the LG Cosmos 2. Can I add an additional line for $10/month?
Miceala: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. May I help you with your order today?
Nate: Hi, I would like to…

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Apparently my “STATS are BOOMING” and Nail Salon Hilariousness

I thought that perhaps I should redeem myself from the touchy-feely post that I shared a week or so ago – and perhaps tempt those that have started following my BLOG to “unfollow” me now that they get to see what I’m REALLY all about – which is basically a potty-mouthed, complaining, mostly funny, completely sarcastic bitchy-poo.

I have no idea what happened – but let me just say – Sassyland has BLOWN IT’S SHIT in the last 48 hours. I don’t know if I accidentally tagged something wrong or what…but I appreciate the traffic. And let me just say – it’s ONLY traffic – I may have picked up a few “follows” as well, but the traffic has been considerable since in any given month I’m lucky to have 10 visits the entire month – and this may sound like bragging – because…well? I AM….but I had like, 23 follows in one day and 47 views…not quite a personal best, but not too shabby! So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is:


2 nights ago I went to the nail salon after work…okay, okay, okay…here’s what really happened.

I had been at work most of the day and just felt completely off kilter. I couldn’t type anything without fucking up. Like, typos-galore over here, y’all. Speaking wasn’t coming very naturally to me either – if I didn’t know better, you would have thought that I was stroking OUT…but I wasn’t – I was just having an OFF DAY. Fine. I can deal with that.

It was about 3:30 and I had finally had enough. I decided that I was going to go get my nails done. SO, I go to my favorite nail salon “Pro-Nail”. Pro-Nail is owned and ran by “Peter”. He’s a pretty funny, yet moody little fella. The only other person working there that I’ll let touch my hands is “Asia”…which I probably don’t even need quotes around because I’m pretty sure that is her real name.

So, I get to Pro-Nail and I take a seat at the door where people who don’t make appointments wait. Peter asks me, “What you wan’ my frien?”  I say, “I need a fill with white powder.” Which to you, may mean NOTHING, but to me, it means my French Manicure is going to look FUCKING AWESOME in about an hour. Then Peter said, “Ok, you sit ova thea and we be wit you in few minute”. Aaaaaalllllllrighty then.

I ended up going to sit at Asia’s station, she was finishing up a Pedicure. She came over and looked at my nails and said, “Oh!! You come back at good time dis time! You no let your nail grow ow too mut! Goot job!” Which means, “You came back within 2 weeks! Well done! Your nails aren’t so grown out that we have to start over again!” She was proud of me.

I had decided to get my “eyebrow whack” too…which means, I wanted my eyebrows waxed. This isn’t a very common occurrence with me, but every once in a while I like to tame the brow-bush. I told Asia that I didn’t want Peter to do it – and she laughed. She laughed because one time we were all joking and giving Peter a hard time about eyebrows. I told Peter that I wanted to get my eyebrows waxed on a different visit a few months back and he said, “Asia do for you.” and I said, “Peter?! You don’t want to wax my eyebrows?” And Asia said, from across the room, “Peter no good at dat. You will have to buy eyebrow pencil if Peter do it.” And let me tell you…we all laughed so hard after she said that….

So all of this brings me to this happy little YouTube video of Anjelah Johnson and her stand up routine about the Nail Salon – I hope you enjoy!


Apartment Manager Tales #27 (I’m just making up numbers at this point)

People are moving out like a MOFO up in this piece, y’all! I had 7 people move out last month and another 4 this month. It’s like…where are you people going?!? Of course I’m re-renting the units at a RECORD PACE.

There are two things that the owner of an apartment complex should be ECSTATIC about – IN THIS ORDER:

  1. Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE paying their rent EVERY MONTH.
  2. ALL of the apartments in the entire complex being rented and occupied.

As a Property Manager there are a couple things that make you stand out from the rest of the property managers. And they are:

  1. Collecting all rent due(internally this means by the 20th of the month – externally to residents it means the 10th of the month).  This means you have to call the ones that don’t pay on time…and you threaten the SHIT out of them with evicting them if they don’t pay up by a certain day. It helps to have a bitch streak running through you – or a bastard streak…can’t leave out the gentlemen out there…
  2. Rent every single apartment in your complex.

I’m proud to say that I have accomplished this goal 3 months in a row…except this month – when SEVEN people jumped ship on me. Never fear…I am a MARKETING IDIOT SAVANT and have almost all of those seven rented already. BOOM.


If that one inch piece of carpet that has come up underneath the built in window seat aaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll the way in the back against the wall  is such an embarrassment for you when your friends come over? Maybe I should show them pictures of how you left your last apartment when you transferred to the new one. Yeah…shut the hell up.

So, my maintenance guy thinks that he can just come and go whenever he wants to. Today – he thought it would be fun to take a couple hours for lunch – at first he was talking like he wasn’t coming back to work and I was all: Uh…so when I can I expect you back? He was all: Uh…couple hours. I was all: M’kay. That was at 1pm. It’s now 4:55pm. Someone is getting a RATION OF SHIT tomorrow. And it ain’t gonna be me. NOPE.


That bitch who complained about her carpet? She tried to THREATEN me yesterday with GOING OVER MY HEAD…only little does she know, that I pretty much am an open book and I tell my boss EVERYTHING…even when I fuck up so bad I think I’m gonna get fired? He laughs and thinks I’m funny and tells me I’m a dork for worrying so much. So when she said that? I was all: M’kay…g’head…can’t wait to see how this ends…

So sent a text to my boss and I told him about the situation and his response? Oh – I usually just let people blab on and on and set the phone on the desk – or I’ll just delete the message.

I love him.


PEOPLE ARE NOT PICKING UP AFTER THEIR DOGS AROUND HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s driving me BATSHIT CRAZY! Like, if anyone rents from me? I’m CRYSTAL CLEAR about the leash law around here and the fact that they have certain places to take their dogs and that THEY MUST PICK UP THE DOG SHIT. Absolutely NO excuses. NONE. $50 fine. I just posted nastygrams all over the complex and will be kicking some people out that can’t take care of their animals. I’m about to not allow dogs here anymore.

I was really hoping to give you some randomness today – but this turned out to be an Apartment Manager Tales post in its entirety. There’s always next time.